My mom and I are both on social security. We both live by ourselves. up until recently things were fine but now she wants me to move in with her so we can share expenses. I love my mother but she is VERY controlling and the thought of living with her drives me crazy.I am 40 years old but she treats me like I am 4. She thinks I have no friends even though I do. She still "helps" me pay my bills. I told her I don't want to live with her and why and yet she is stiI trying to manipulate me into doing it. I love my mother but the thought of living with her makes me cringe. I lived with her for 28 years. That was enough. She thinks if we live together we will just have all this money to go on trips and such. My mom also has Lupus.I am in a wheelchair and can't take care of my sick mother. I have tried telling her how I fell but she just does not get it. She still thinks if she makes me feel guilty enough that I will give in. Help.
P.S. she is probably hating herself for asking, too. My oldest has financial challenges and sometimes I can't help myself and ask about the credit card or other things that I KNOW I don't want to know about. Then I explode when I hear his answer and beat myself up for a long time afterwards for asking.
kdcm1011 has good advice: practice some answers. Practice at least once a week in case she doesn't bother you for a few weeks and catches you off-guard. "I'm handling it, Mom." "I don't talk about my finances over the phone. Say, do you remember that spice cake you used to make, with apples? I'm looking for a recipe like that." "I'm keeping track of things. Are you going to the church supper next week?"
The basic point is 1) I'm not going to discuss my finances with you and 2) Let's talk about something else. Keep those 2 points firmly in mind. And then DO NOT discuss your finances. Don't say "I owe $x." Don't say "I've worked out a new payment plan." Don't say "I did pretty good last month." DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR FINANCES TO ANY DEGREE.
You might also try, "Why do you ask, Mom?" But it is safest to simply refuse to go down that discussion path. If you have to, you can say outright "I'm not discussing my finances with you Mom. I've got to handle this myself."
Try to avoid being nasty. But remember that this particular aspect of your relationship is one you really, really want to lose.
Keep saying it. When she keeps bringing it up, suggest she find a roommate her own age if it is important to her to share cost of living, but that you choose to live on your own.
Have you tried silence and a smile? Big hugs to you, I know early habits are *really* hard to break.
(this is my little devil getting the better of me)
Good for you!!! And don't apologise! God sees both sides of the argument, don't forget.