My mom and I are both on social security. We both live by ourselves. up until recently things were fine but now she wants me to move in with her so we can share expenses. I love my mother but she is VERY controlling and the thought of living with her drives me crazy.I am 40 years old but she treats me like I am 4. She thinks I have no friends even though I do. She still "helps" me pay my bills. I told her I don't want to live with her and why and yet she is stiI trying to manipulate me into doing it. I love my mother but the thought of living with her makes me cringe. I lived with her for 28 years. That was enough. She thinks if we live together we will just have all this money to go on trips and such. My mom also has Lupus.I am in a wheelchair and can't take care of my sick mother. I have tried telling her how I fell but she just does not get it. She still thinks if she makes me feel guilty enough that I will give in. Help.
could help you see how unhealthy that all is.....
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and purge, someone would have died a long time ago.... ; D and I don't mean me. What people who have not experienced themselves do not understand, is that it is truly a survival tactic. There HAS to be boundaries set.
When his mother tried that on me awhile back, I reminded her of what she said about her mother when her mother had alzheimers some years ago and was so difficult. I told her why don't you move her in with you and take care of her and she replied that she certainly could not take care of someone like that. I told her, but I know she has since forgotten, that we could not take care of her and she should not expect us to take that on. She got quiet for that moment.
But, it starts ALL over again the following day when she can't remember yesterday and you have always been a demanding, needy "ME" kind of person.
Everyone enduring this just needs to remember, YOU now have control and NOT let them get to you.
Elmo, don't give in. You ARE strong and entitled to your own life and happiness. Hang in there.....we're all pulling for you.
He answered the 1st call and after he told her he had a life and could not be there everyday, and told her goodbye and that he would talk to her tomorrow.
She immediately called and I was SO HAPPY to see he declined the call. I told him he has the power NOT to let her do that to him. God forgive me , but you really start to hate them after awhile. Nothing like a demanding, needy old woman with dementia, trying to manipulate you into getting what she wants! UGH! She does not remember what you did for her yesterday. All my friends always laugh at me when I put my finger up to my temple and make the gun going off sound when I tell them what we are going through. We just learn to
laugh more and "turn it off" in your mind. : D
Dementia progresses we will have to at some point. She does not like other women but does
Like attention from men ANY age. She was hard to like even when she had her mind and I really struggle with dealing with her now. : (. Who knew they could make your lives so miserable
As a mother that just doesn't sound right. Do not get a policy even if you could. That creeps me out. But I tend to watch too much of Dateline!!!!! Just saying!
Thank all of you who have posted over the years with so many similar scenarios. It has made me realize I can never personally take care of mom and I don't need to feel bad about it (she claims she WANTS to go into a nursing home). So she has made it easy and you guys have shown me the answers to many difficult situations which I am sure await me and my brother.
Thank you all
She had to wait in ER since there were many other really sick people who needed attention and she complained that no one was tending to her. I told her
it was not the Hillton..... she was in ER and there were many other sick people who needed help. She was discharged soon after she was looked at. She ruined our Christmas Day........ little did I know that it was going to be that way from then on...... I could write a book about crazy old people and how they can drive you nuts~!!!!
This was before she was diagnosed with dementia, too. She was in bed ringing her stupid little bell on her night table constantly.... Daddy I need this, or Daddy I need that! I wanted to go in there and strangle her. No wonder he died so quickly. She wore him out. My point, some people are just demanding,
emotionally needy and will suck the life out of you if you let them. Just DON"T let them.
You must be smart enough to see it for what it is and you pull away from that behavior. You stand your ground, and be firm. It is like teaching a child. Some things cannot be fixed to make everybody happy
Stand firm and :just say no".
If she is in need of caregiver - now would be a good time to have that conversation, or at least look into your options for when the time comes.
So what I do is "let" her get her way half the time now. The other half I say sorry I made plans but I will see you soon. Then I go. Yeah, I felt guilty at first because she did her work well raising me on guilt, but I've learned to logically plow through the guilt. Its irrational, its manipulative and its just not nice. I never ever do that to my grown children.
Don't let her do that to you. Stand your ground and firmly but nicely say no thank you. Don't get drawn into long explainations or excuses. JUST SAY NO (but nicely).
Brevity really helps because when you're telling them something they don't want to hear, they only get the first couple sentences anyhow because they're regrouping and thinking about their next mental chess move with you.