My mom and I are both on social security. We both live by ourselves. up until recently things were fine but now she wants me to move in with her so we can share expenses. I love my mother but she is VERY controlling and the thought of living with her drives me crazy.I am 40 years old but she treats me like I am 4. She thinks I have no friends even though I do. She still "helps" me pay my bills. I told her I don't want to live with her and why and yet she is stiI trying to manipulate me into doing it. I love my mother but the thought of living with her makes me cringe. I lived with her for 28 years. That was enough. She thinks if we live together we will just have all this money to go on trips and such. My mom also has Lupus.I am in a wheelchair and can't take care of my sick mother. I have tried telling her how I fell but she just does not get it. She still thinks if she makes me feel guilty enough that I will give in. Help.
Do not move in with her.
Keep your relationship mother and daughter spend time with her etc.....but dont move in youve enough problems of your own.
And we all know the guilt thing but thats thier only weapon dont fall for it!!
If you do, you won't be able to get out.
Sharon
She may be in need of something to make her life more meaningful or fun, but hopefully you can find her something else that would fill that need besides being the full time boss of you. Or possibly she is scared she can't manage on her own, in which case getting outside help may be the answer.
I know it is hard to say "No" to a controlling mother, but that is what you have to do to keep a sane life. Just say "No" and don't get into arguments about why.
You are an adult and can make your own choices. I would tell her that you are not going to move in with her, rather than you don't want to, because saying you don't want to leaves open the possibility that you might, and encourages her to put the pressure on you to change your mind.
I doubt telling her how you feel does any good at all if she is a controlling person. She works with FOG - fear, obligation and guilt. You know there is something is this to benefit her, at your expense. I expect you also know she won't like your answer, but that is her problem. (((((hugs))))) look after you
"She still "helps" me pay my bills"
Then don't.
"She still thinks if she makes me feel guilty enough that I will give in."
Just make sure she is really truly wrong. Don't give in.