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She had two very valuable Italian gold bracelets that her mother gave her. She has worn them all her life. Very heavy, very valuable. We always keep them at home when she goes to the hospital. But now that she is in the nursing home for good she wants them.. We are afraid they will get stolen, her mother wanted them passed on from generation to generation to the girls so they stay in the family. She is telling us she wants to feel close to her mother before she dies.. What should we do? The nurse told me today its not a good idea.

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Bring her her mother's rosary and prayer book, and a statue or holy picture. Try something personal, her mother's lap quilt or sweater.
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I would definitely NOT take the bracelets as I can almost guarantee you they will be stolen. Someone stole my mother's Kindle out of her room while she was in the dining room. We did get her another one, but not until we put a doorknob on her closet door with a key lock (she wears the key around her neck). So when she leaves the room, she locks the Kindle up. With a dementia patient, however, that's probably not feasible. I just can't wrap my head around the mindset of someone who would steal from an elderly person's NH room. Any stealing is bad but that's just abhorrent.
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Don't take the bracelets! They either will be stolen, or taken off and forgotten; or another dementia resident will think they are theirs.

It doesn't matter what the type of facility either, stuff walks.

I'd take a picture of the granddaughters wearing the bracelets and make it into a big poster for her & placed in her room. Maybe have them holding a picture of their great-grandmother so the circle is complete.

True story - when my mom was in IL she continued to wear 2 sets of wedding rings hers & my dads and her parents 75th anniversary set. She wanted me to wear them once she died. One night visiting her, she was all about they had been stolen. Now I was there for lunch that day and she was wearing them. So maybe 5 hours later. She was insistent they were stolen along with other things (shoes & hair clips were regularly "stolen") and I should call the police. Well after lunch she always went and sat in her rocker in front of the TV in her room. And there they were on the floor next to the back legs of the rocker. They just fell off her fingers when she napped. When I showed them to her, she insisted that whomever had stolen them broke back into her apartment and put them there. Was not ever going to believe that they just fell off her skinny fingers either....Took them home that night as you knew it was going to happen again and probably not in her room.
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My Dad was in the jewelry business and of I have some pretty expensive things that I wear all the time . I have already told my family that if I need emergency care or have to go to a facility later on, take the stuff off of me and lock it up! I know you want to please your mother but you will never see the bracelets again. My aunt , who had Alzheimer's, had several pieces removed from her person. Please don't do this ----it would be such a heartfelt loss for you and the rest of your family.
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Absolutely do not take the bracelets to the nursing home unless you want them stolen. I can tell you with almost certainty that they will be gone in a short period of time.

I am afraid that if you bring them with you to let your Mother see or hold, she will not want you to take them back home. You do not say if your Mom has a mental or physical issue but leaving them at the home is NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!
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lsmiami.....please pass the Buddha!
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Sylvia - I have dealt with 5 different kinds of dementia and one patient with Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS): Alzheimer's, alcohol dementia, infarct dementia (heart insufficiency caused lack of blood to the brain and some brain cell death), fronto temporo lobe dementia (FTD) and drug induced dementia. In the early stages, it is of interest to know the cause (ONLY if it's easy to ascertain because, don't forget, you'd be putting a person with the inability to understand what's being done to them through a lot of tests). The only real justification early on is if there is memory loss from an organic cause and not truly dementia. If the cause can be fixed, sometimes the memory problems can be reversed. But if it is truly dementia, in the long run it's not going to matter much which kind because each patient reacts differently to the frustration of memory loss, losing things (believing their stuff is stolen), worrying about money, wanting to stay in their own home, getting varying degrees of paranoia or anger, etc. Most of it depends more on the personality of the person than the type of dementia they have. Even my guy with ALS was frustrated by his increasing inability to communicate and would get just as angry as any dementia patient ever did. The difference was that even though his brain was working, his body eventually didn't cooperate so unlike a dementia patient, he lost the ability to act out.
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Tell her they do not allow valuable jewelry, instead offer costume pieces. Any pictures of her mom you can bring? Any other family heirlooms, that are not financially valuable? Italian, I assume maybe Catholic, perhaps a religious statue or cards? These sorts of things are not worth stealing but can remind you of family. Maybe you can encourage her to pass these to beloved grand kids.

Funny story to lighten the mood....
Granny gave me my inheritance while living. She was in her early 90s and assumed her days were limited. First a bunch of family pictures, dating back to 1908, these I had requested to decorate my first apartment with some of the cooler studio shots, some of my ancestors were pretty good looking Impressed with the fact I respected her pictures, she entrusted me with her prize possession. She had a Buddha which had been the last gift she received from grandfather, before he passed unexpectedly. I was not a fan of Asian art and this was more of a drugstore than gallery variety piece. With tears in her eyes she asked me to take it because she thought I showed the most respect for old things and she was afraid it would be abandoned.,,,,she wanted me to adopt the fat fella. I bit my tongue and made peace with the fact he crashed my decor and set him in a place of honor in my apartment. Five years later granny died.

Granny was not very friendly to most non family members, but she liked one cleaning lady who occasionally did some companionship caregiving. The lady called me a few days after granny's funeral, she had been cleaning my place and in desperation called out to granny for help while rubbing the Buddha belly, her financial hardship was resolved as she won a modest lottery of about $60,000.

Buddha is still in my place.
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Thank's everyone for the helpful advice I will keep you posted on how things go..
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Sylvia I do not know how much it cost the family to do it, but it works as far as taking them to her everyday Mmm..idk about that with her having dementia alz, Mmmm, that can be a little trouble she may get upset each time , unless you show her when you first get there and do not let her keep them in her hands cus my friend, alz patient are stronger with the disease,just wanted you to know that
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My late aunt who had dementia was in a residential home with several other women. She wore a very expensive watch and a cheap timex on the same wrist. One day the diamond watch wasn't there and my cousin couldn't find anywhere. Luckily my cousin had it insured, so she bought another one. Then several years later, she notices that my aunt has two diamond watches on her wrist. My cousin said she looked everywhere, talked to everyone about that watch, and never found out where it was hiding. After my aunt's death, she felt so guilty about the insurance that she donated the second watch to a good cause.
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Ms. Diva:

I was also thinking about a replica just to keep Sylvia's mom from nagging. When the fake ones disappear in the middle of the night Mom will freak out at first, but Sylvia can tell her the real ones are still at home. Mom will then be more inclined to leave them right where they are, and Sylvia won't have to come up with excuses.
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Maybe you could take them once and see if she remembers them and is happy that you brought them. Then I would put them in a safe spot (your house, the bank) and next time just say "Oh, sorry, I forgot them today." I know if I tried to remember to take something and then get it back every time I went to visit someone, about the third time, I would forget to do it or leave it in my car, or something.... You don't want to take any chances with something that valuable.
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Sylvia, frontal lobe dementia is a little different, they lose judgement and day to day memory rather than long term memory. She will probably always recognize people if her vision is OK, but she will not be able to reason well about the jewelry or anything else. At this point, you have to be the guiding hand and do the things that make sense even when she is insisting on something that doesn't, and try other ways that will make her happier when you can. I voted up the answer to "bring them every time you visit, and bring them home with you when you leave..." Alzheimer's, fronto-temporal, or vascular - or even combination types of dementia - are all very hard on everyone, and all do, sadly, progress...
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Thanks CarolLynn,, she is progressing but still remembers selective things , she has lucid moments but I'm sure those will get less and less.. I was wondering if frontal lobe dementia is the same as alzheimers, it seems with alzheimers the memory is affected more. I guess its a different part of the brain that gets affected.. I guess I am dreading seeing her any worse,, but will she forget everything as she progresses?
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Sylvia - absolutely do not take the bracelets to leave them there. EVERYTHING gets stolen and there's nothing you can do about it. Jinx's idea is great. Take them when you go and tell her what you said, she has to enjoy them when you're there because the NH insurance will not be responsible. If she is progressing as quickly as you say, pretty soon she won't remember, and you won't even have to bring them at all. If you do bring them and she gives you trouble taking them away, you will just have to stop bringing them. You cannot have valuables at these places. The residents themselves pick things up, misplace them, lose them and even throw them out. Some of the less honorable staff knows this, so there's no way to tell where anything goes. Family heirlooms do not belong there no matter what. And don't waste your money on a copy as it would disappear also.
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msdiva, I was thinking of having it replicated but was wondering what the cost would be..
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Thank you everyone for the helpful advice. It's a very tough situation, because I don't want to keep something from her that makes her happy. She is progressing pretty rapidly with frontal lobe dementia that is the reason we are unable to keep her at home. It amazes me how much she has progressed since December when my father died. I think I am going to bring the braclets to her every week and see how she does with that. My sister mentioned getting insurance on them but that doesn't solve it because they are not replaceable. I was thinking maybe her case manager could tell her that she can't keep them there because they don't want the responsibility. Like I said its very hard. I appreciate everyone's advice. I am so grateful to be part of this site. Sharynmarie that is completely awful that someone would do such a thing. My sister was telling me that if she were to pass that jewelry would not be on her body for long..
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An employee of the NH my husbands grandmother was in cut a ring off his grandmothers finger. My mil left this ring on her finger because her mother had arthritis so bad her fingers were swollen. Please be careful about jewelry because the sentimental value can not be replaced.
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Maybe this will help I totally agree with you jin4740..please do not take it , I worked in a nursing home and these people get their stuff stolen all the time 24/7 and whats so bad about it you have 3 shifts to deal with and you NEVER get the truth 9 out of 10 by the time you noticed it gone someone done stole and pawn it as well...NO I wouldn't take it there but I will suggest that you get a copy of it and if you talk to a trusting jewerler he can do it they did it for a client I work for and believe me of course there were 6 aides that was taking care of her and it was so easy to pen it down to the person that took, what gave their dumb a-- away they went straight to a pawn shop and it turned out to be fake..
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I disagree. Bring them every time you visit, and bring them home with you when you leave. They will get stolen, and that won't make her happy at all.
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I think you need to take the chance on them being stolen and let your mother have her bracelets, the nursing home is now her new home and they are her bracelets. If they are going to provide her happiness for her remaining time than that is what is important. Your mum's happiness holds more value than the bracelets. Once she is gone you will be glad you let her have them close to her :-)
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