Mom is 62, I'm 25.
Realizing my mom needs more care than I can give and her refusal to accept her sickness is too much for me. She is legally blind, has type 2 diabetes, kidney failure and she also has a problem with narcissism. I left when I turned 18 due to her abusive behavior and recently I've come back to help her for many reasons. She cycled through caregiving companies becuase she wouldn't cooperate with the good caregivers, so eventually her caregivers were taking advantage of her (taking things from her house, giving her pills and taking her on money spending sprees). After the last caregiver was giving her pills and spending her money for her she apparently "fired the company" and they sent caregivers to the house many times and she would tell them she doesn't get a caregiver so they leave. She can shower by herself, clothe herself but she won't cook anything more complicated than a tv dinner. She doesn't take her diabetes seriously. She won't take her insulin or test her blood unless I help her do it. She has fallen multiple times and has hurt herself many times. She is deathly afraid of entering a hospital to deal with any issue at all. When they send her to a hospital, she will leave against doctors advice. She is now pooping herself, refusing to wear diapers and she threw the blankets from the last incident down the stairs where the washer and dryer are and it got everywhere. If I wouldn't be at her beck and call, she wouldn't be living in here. She is capable of doing these things but does not care due to depression and just lack of self care. She has a marijuana addiction so that only makes everything worse. She passes dementia tests so they don't send her to a facility. My aunt has health POA and for some reason not her money POA. She is bipolar and spends all of her money on ciggs and weed. She is on medicaid and gets SS. Thank you for reading. I apologize if I sound mean. I'm just really frustrated and I'm having a hard time taking care of everything so I need advice haha thanks
About Me: caring for mom after a hard life
Breadnbutter, I don't know about your mother but I am sure that YOU have had a hard life with such an ill, dysfunctional parent. Perhaps she cannot help much of her behavior but please do not let her drag you down into the craziness. You deserve your own functional, successful life away and apart from your biological parent.
I vote that you makes plans for a job and a place to live and then notify APS of a vulnerable elder living alone.
Time to step back. I know this is going to be difficult.
Contact APS report that she is a vulnerable person, disabled and she is not caring for herself.
If at any time she poses a danger to herself you can call 911 and report that, if she falls call 911.
Unless she has been declared incompetent the POA that your aunt has is not in effect. What would or could your aunt do for her and what does she think of the current situation? Is she concerned at all?
Do you know who, if anyone, has financial POA?
Agree to call APS so other supports & help can be arranged.
It is very hard to help someone who will not let you.
Not given the chance to steer the 'bus', I chose to get off the bus to call for help, rather than stay on for the crash.
The saying that fits your situation is: "don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm."
You have somewhere else to live, do you?
You hit the nail on the head. What you should do next is STEP BACK, let the sh_ _ hit the fan literally, and call APS, let them take over.
Your aunt has health POA, but if mom doesn't cooperate, then POA is useless. Let the state take over, she will be forced to go into a care home where she will get the care she needs.
Others will chime in with more advice.