Mom won't get dressed. Any advice?
My Mom thinks its acceptable to go everywhere dressed in nightgown. She fell last week and hurt her arm. lucky no cast no surgery she's 74 and a narcissist . Well she plans to wear her nightgowns for the next 4 to 6 weeks. She went to the drs office the drugs store etc in her nightgown and flip flops. This is un acceptable to me. she lives with me my son and my husband and they are VERY uncomfortable with this situation. she can change her jammies and underwear on make her coffee wash her dishes etc......everything but put some real clothes on ??? my mom LOVES SYMPOTHY and I KNOW that's what this is about but it has the OPPOSITE effect I don't have sympathy for her its just making me mad, because I never heard of anyone with a HURT arm staying in their jammies for a month and a half. Its making my husband even madder than me, He KNOWS she's doing it for attention and he's very uncomfortable in his own home. I told her this is un acceptable but she said she doesn't care. What else can I do to get her to put some clothes on ?????
Don't treat her like a kid. The my house/my rules is ridiculous for an adult. How would you like that if someone said that to you in a house you were living in? Let her be comfortable but just comfortable in public type clothes. I live in yoga pants after work :) My daughter hates it. Too bad lol
Long before the 6 weeks is up, she may be feeling much better and the nightgown issue won't even be an issue. Is she doing any physical therapy or exercises for her arm? Was it broken? Is it in a bandage or a sling? A couple of years ago I fell and broke my wrist. They did put a metal thing with screws in it and finally a cast. I did do PT and yet the darn thing STILL hurts at times. I have less ROM (range of motion) than before and it's still swollen larger than before. Dr. Doogie Houser (a joke you youngun's may not get) says there is NO reason for it to still hurt and there's nothing he can do. The pain is in my head. Well, no, it's in my wrist, thank you very much. I think I know how it feels. It itches, it aches. I quit mentioning it to anyone because no one cares but me.
Long story to say that no one but your mother knows how she feels. She may even be a little depressed over this incident and others in her life. There have been many changes in her life in the past years that she may be having trouble dealing with. If she feels no one cares, maybe seeing a therapist for some talk therapy will help. The therapist won't be her friend, but he/she will at least be someone to talk to.
Let her wear her nightgown, tell her to put a muumuu over it, though. If she just wears it when she goes out, she won't need but one and it will stay clean. Your husband and son need to tell her individually, not as a group, that it is embarrassing to them to see her in a nightie. That they like it better when she's dressed and able to be around them. She may put more weight in their opinion because they are not YOU, her daughter. If you go someplace, like out to eat, and she wants to go too, tell her if she'll get dressed she can go, otherwise she'll have to stay home. Go someplace nice occasionally without her and she'll learn to put some clothes on and comb her hair. But for a few weeks you may have to help her with some ROM exercises and help her to heal.
Good luck with this. You need to let go of lot of anger before it makes you sick. You cannot change the past. She cannot change the past. No sense in anyone wallering in it.
Escalate, if she is wandering the parking lot of the store in jammies and cannot find your car, maybe someone will call 911 for a welfare check up on her. Or, to save fire/ambulance from coming out, call 911(police) to find your mother who may be lost after you come back in about an hour, she may get mad enough to stop this behavior. OR, she can get the professional mental assessment she needs. Be brave, do this only as a last resort because something might really be wrong with her and it comes out only expressed as attention seeking.
If possible (through either cunning or deceit), switch to PJs. If she fell, it could be that PJs are safer. You're less likely to step on them when going up-and-down steps. You're less likely to get tangled in them.
Say that since the only place you're allowed to wear nightgowns or pajamas all day is in a nursing home, that it is obvious to the two of you that a nursing home is where she needs to go. Say "You have ten minutes to put on your clothes and behave rationally or the two of you will immediately begin a search of nursing homes and you won't be put on a waiting list, that the first home you call that has a bed available is where you'll take her.
The threat of a nursing home ought to do it, but you have to mean it. She's being extremely disrespectful to the two of you and I'm sure it makes your son very uncomfortable to have her running around in her nightclothes. Wearing her nightclothes in public could get her picked up for indecent exposure.
Remind yourselves that she's not in charge, the two of you are. You need to remind yourself of this fact as you confront her. And by the way, it would be even more effective if you have a list of nursing homes to hand her when you have this discussion - with the ones you've chosen checked off.
Tell her she has ten minutes, no more to get dressed in street clothes and that wearing her nightclothes around the house during the day and to stores is absolutely forbidden "or else...".
Your mother-in-law is acting like a spoiled brat - show her there are negative consequences for her behavior. Good luck!
As several of us have said, you need to get her out of your house ASAP. Hugs to you!
( she owns them and wears them all the time normally ). This is PURELY for attention. I was already at my wits end before this happened.
Good luck - it sounds like your hands are full with her. Does she have to live with you? I see a recipe for disaster down the road for your family. She sounds like a handful.
On the other hand, a) it was a one-off, b) I was under considerable strain at the time, and c) my son has still not forgiven me.
So - so that your mother does not bring opprobrium on herself, purely - would sweat pants and sweat shirts be the answer? Something that's equally easy to put on and wear?