Now she wants them to stop coming. I have talked with her caseworker and they understand and know that she needs to have assistance. She is walker-dependent, unsteady on her feet, and has home care aides 10 hrs a day. I am her only child. I am slowly losing my mind over her extreme demands and how she constantly puts me down. I have worked very hard to get her the home care assistance so she can stay at her home and not be in a nursing home. I have recently arranged for additional hours temporarily thru the agency so I can take some time off and go on vacation, or else I will lose my mind! She is not appreciative at all of anything I do for her. It has come to the point where I am resenting going to visit her, because of how she speaks to me especially in front of the aides. I am her only family here - my sons live out of state and are on their own. I don't know what else to do. She won't give me POA, but I am seeing how she isn't making rational decisions at times. She wants to stay in her home and refuses assisted living or nursing home care. The social worker is also aware and evaluates her often. Anyone else been in this type of situation that can share advice for me? My mom was always independent, she wants no one in her house, and is not a social person. She is extremely difficult...
Make sure your Mom has been checked for a UTI.
Any chance of doing private hire rather than an agency? While some are wonderful, it tends to be a job that pays slave wages. In many states they are paid only 8 hrs for a 24 hrs shift, under the fiction that they only "work" 8 hrs, and are "off" the rest of the time, though they can't go anywhere, and must drop everything the second your Mom needs something. Needless to say, the number of top quality workers willing to work under those conditions is limited, and the better, brighter, more experienced ones tend to work private pay where an agency doesn't take half the money (Charging $350-400/day while paying the worker $125/day is pretty common).
Take your vacation. Your mom may realize that she needs your help, or more likely, if she has dementia, she won't. So nothing will change, except that you'll be rested and have a clearer head.
Sadly the huge medical situation that happened with my Mom was a fall that seriously injured her head... thus she is now bedridden and on hospice care... and here a month ago she was like The Flash around their house, doing housework, laundry, etc. Feel free to us my Mom as an example to your Mom.