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My son has refused to allow me to visit my mom in her nursing home. He won't talk to me or respond to my calls or texts. What papers do I need to file with the court to bring about a hearing on this matter?
Talk to the facility about why you are not allowed to visit - other than son's expressed wishes. Then, talk to an attorney that specializes in elder law where your mom resides to proceed further.
Can you give us a bit more of the details of this situation. Why is your son PoA and Medical Rep? What is the past relationship with your son? with your Mom? How long has it been since you have seen your Mom?
Hard to give suggestions or advice because it would appear that some relevant details are missing.
I had the same thing happened to me and he can't do that the nursing home that she's in the administrator ask mom if she still wanted to have contact with me her daughter and she said yes. As for nephew who is POA who is in prison I have the adult protection investigation him for exploitation for selling all her furniture and use the money for his own personal use and renting mothers home and collecting rent for himself and a few other things.
Wow, there is a lot of unknowns here. If your son is an otherwise good person, I don't know that anyone can comment. Unless the POA specifically "excludes" the right to deny visitations, not a normal thing, then your son can make the decision to exclude anyone from visiting a person in a care facility. There are reasons to be sure, just as you say "unknown" to you. You may have to force the issue by getting legal assistance but I suspect this a family issue specific to your care or perceived lack thereof before going to a nursing home OR a long going family dispute. If there is an estate of some significant value, then family can do some pretty strange things when it comes to money and if this is the case then an attorney is exactly what you need. Keeping a reason "unknown" only to you is the beginning point to resolve this. Does your son have valid concerns? Are his concerns rather based in finances? AND, tell me why your son and not you has the POA???
I hate to inform your son but unless he has guardianship he cannot forbid anyone from seeing your mother including you. POA gives him rights to make decisions concerning medical issues and financial issues with her banking. I would contact adult protective services and submit an abuse complaint against your son.
Generally that is not exactly correct. The right given in a Durable POA for finances and medical decisions will give the holder that right to deny some people visitation UNLESS..that right is specifically "excluded". If the POA is silent on the issue, it is implied and indeed the right of the POA holder. The mother will need legal help to determine if the son's reasons are based solely in the best interest of the nursing home resident. I still say its important to know what the family relationships are...and WHY does the grandson have the POA and not the mother. There is something missing in the details.
All I can say is in so many instances I’ve read and head/ known of male relatives having this much power poa etc is a bad idea as they end up on a huge power trip, some people their ego can’t handle this power in their hands they misuse and abuse of. There are of course females who do the same but seems to happen much more w men.
Why aren’t you the one in that position since she’s your mom?
Exactly my first thought. There is something very strange about the original question. Why is the son the POA holder, what is the family situation. Did problems just start with the nursing home situation or has it been an ongoing, long term family issue. Why is the mother not the POA holder. Seems like these are important points that the mother deemed irrelevant and makes me wonder. Unknown only to her?????
Strange problem. In 27 years of working as a clinical staff member I have never seen this happen…even with disruptive family members. We would have supervised visits. My friends mothers husband had POA. He was able to block my friend from taking her mom off the nursing home grounds but family could visit at the nursing home..there has to be something else going on here...
Why is it your son is your mom’s POA and not you? We all make mistakes in life. Consider why your son deems you being around your mother potentially harmful to her. All you can do is write a heart felt letter to him asking for forgiveness for whatever you have done. Tell him you would agree to him supervising a visit.
I am 'assuming' your son has talked to you about his reasons for keeping your mom away from you--but I can't fathom why.
My YB has my mom's POA's and he is really weird about allowing family to visit. For some time, we could only go when he was there so he could be a part of the visit. I have to admit that this was a time when she was begging any and all of us to move her in with us...and YB felt very dismissed and minimized.
That passed and we all told him that none of us wanted the responsibility of her 24/7 care.
He's still protective, not of mother, but of what she might say about him. He has a hot temper and has been known to really yell at her (to the point the neighbors called APS)...
I'd give your son the benefit of the doubt in his care of mom. Talk to him and see why he's doing this-what the possible reasons may be.
My YB is completely burnt out. He is not in good health, and needs support from the rest of us, but will not allow it. The mental processes that brought him to this point are impossible to understand, but we do try.
Try to talk to your son before you go 'legal' on him. That can make a rough situation even worse.
How did you come to find out that you are forbidden to visit?
Are you certain that this is because of an action that your son took, and not due to COVID restrictions, because your mother is quarantined or because the NH has requested she have no visitors while adjusting to her new environment?
Have you attempted to visit your mother? It is her right to have whatever visitors she wishes and in most states, simply having Power of Attorney is not sufficient to prevent visitation by someone who isn't a disruptive, abusive or upsetting to the patient.
This from senior law website: "Nursing Home Residents’ Rights are guaranteed by the federal OBRA 1987 Nursing Home Reform Law. The Residents’ Rights laws guarantee the safety and welfare of all nursing home residents. Encompassed in the Residents’ Rights is the right to visitation from outsiders. Specifically, a nursing home resident has a legal right to visits: By a resident’s personal physician and representatives from the state survey agency and ombudsman programs; By relatives, friends, and others of the residents’ choosing; and, By organizations or individuals providing health, social, legal, or other services. However, contained in that same bill of rights are protections against harm and preventable injury. This would include a nursing home’s obligation to take reasonable steps to stop the spread of coronavirus."
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Hard to give suggestions or advice because it would appear that some relevant details are missing.
Why aren’t you the one in that position since she’s your mom?
I am 'assuming' your son has talked to you about his reasons for keeping your mom away from you--but I can't fathom why.
My YB has my mom's POA's and he is really weird about allowing family to visit. For some time, we could only go when he was there so he could be a part of the visit. I have to admit that this was a time when she was begging any and all of us to move her in with us...and YB felt very dismissed and minimized.
That passed and we all told him that none of us wanted the responsibility of her 24/7 care.
He's still protective, not of mother, but of what she might say about him. He has a hot temper and has been known to really yell at her (to the point the neighbors called APS)...
I'd give your son the benefit of the doubt in his care of mom. Talk to him and see why he's doing this-what the possible reasons may be.
My YB is completely burnt out. He is not in good health, and needs support from the rest of us, but will not allow it. The mental processes that brought him to this point are impossible to understand, but we do try.
Try to talk to your son before you go 'legal' on him. That can make a rough situation even worse.
Good Luck!
How did you come to find out that you are forbidden to visit?
Are you certain that this is because of an action that your son took, and not due to COVID restrictions, because your mother is quarantined or because the NH has requested she have no visitors while adjusting to her new environment?
Have you attempted to visit your mother? It is her right to have whatever visitors she wishes and in most states, simply having Power of Attorney is not sufficient to prevent visitation by someone who isn't a disruptive, abusive or upsetting to the patient.
This from senior law website:
"Nursing Home Residents’ Rights are guaranteed by the federal OBRA 1987 Nursing Home Reform Law. The Residents’ Rights laws guarantee the safety and welfare of all nursing home residents.
Encompassed in the Residents’ Rights is the right to visitation from outsiders. Specifically, a nursing home resident has a legal right to visits:
By a resident’s personal physician and representatives from the state survey agency and ombudsman programs;
By relatives, friends, and others of the residents’ choosing; and,
By organizations or individuals providing health, social, legal, or other services.
However, contained in that same bill of rights are protections against harm and preventable injury. This would include a nursing home’s obligation to take reasonable steps to stop the spread of coronavirus."
Please let us know what you find out.