My mother informed me that I was a dictator. My mother lives with my husband and I. I always think of her safety and her well-being. I do not force her to do anything she does not want to do. I talk to her and explain an issue to her in a diplomatic manner. Being called a dictator hurt me and it makes me not want to say much to her. I do not think I am a dictator at all. I have been respectful to my mother. Help!
I have said good bye thousands of moments and I can let God and my mother have their own conversation. I am out of it. There seems to be no need for me other than chauffer and shopping mate, and that is done for her without much appreciation. I have gotten quite bloodless about this now. I feel like I am waiting for the big event. Even in the hospital she was verbally abusive. Next time I am simply leaving. I can't take any more of her. It's a matter of survival for myself at this point. She has no idea how to relate to a daughter who grew up and has boundaries. That's her problem. I have tried and having a simple conversation is now just unreasonable to expect.
Do you all feel any of this? How else can I cope?
She has a hair appointment coming up.....maybe I'll mention it to her.....see what she says.....if she fusses.....I'll cancel it! Then weeks later I'll hear about how it's in her face, etc. Ugh, caregiving is emotional on so many levels.......even the little things....... :p
I watched as my elders minimized then gave up Christmas decorating...it was always a harbinger to depression and decline...whether is was the chicken or the egg or both, I do not know. So I fight my hubby and son, who bascially prefer to live like bachelors, LOL, though they occasionally acknowledge my near-futile efforts to clean and organize a little, when they suggest there is no need to bother with that just for those few weeks every year. I can guarantee you if I didn't do most of it and insist on the little bit of help I do get with it, the neighbors would think we were Muslims by now. I am no stranger to cajoling people into doing stuff that they will truly enjoy once they get their rumps off the couch or favorite chair to do it...and not always suceeding, either.
debralee - you are anything but a deadbeat and I congratulate you for setting boundaries and sticking to them. It isn't easy but is necessary.
((((hugs)))) to all of us in our various struggles.