A doctor, minister and other family members have tried to reason with her, to no avail. Paying for assisted living is not a concern, she has plenty to cover it, and knows it. Mom comes up with every excuse and reason under the sun for not moving. My siblings and I live across the country from Mom, and she has refused all offers over the years to move near one of us. We can't just move her to assisted living without her consent. If we activate her health power of attorney, the assisted living center we have chosen has told me that she would not be considered as a good candidate and she would have to live in their memory care or nursing home facility. Any tips on how to convince Mom to move? She is declining bit by bit and we are worried sick about her living alone.
It is especially hard to be doing this long distance, isn't it? Since there are funds available, have you considered hiring a local care manager?
There are probably ways to make Mom a little safer in her home for a little longer. Having a nurse set up and monitor her pills box weekly, having her meals brought in (so she doesn't have to use the stove), having a bath aid in once a week, having her laundry done, having her wear a health alert button ... etc. But you have tried many of these things and she refuses. Sigh. Now what?
I understand that you want to avoid invoking the POA. But could you use it in a get-tough approach with Mother? "As the person you appointed POA, I'm responsible for your safety and well-being. You have choices to make. You can go to that lovely assisted living place, where they will provide necessary services to you. Or we can arrange to have the services brought to you. If your choice is to stay at home, then you MUST cooperate with the services. Someone will do your laundry. Someone will help you with a bath or shower. Someone will get your breakfast every day. (etc.) I love you, Mom. I have the authority to do what is best for you and I will do that. First, you MUST go and tour the assisted living where xxx lives, and have lunch there. Then we will talk about whether to get more services at home, or to move into the AL." Whew. Tough love. Could you pull that off? You and I know that it might not be all that easy to enforce your decisions, but if you act confident, maybe Mother won't know that.
I think your best bet, though, is to hire a geriatric care manager who will handle the local details and keep you in the loop.