She wants me to stay with her 24/7. I have a family to take care of. She uses people. Says she falls all the time and cannot get up. I refuse to help someone who will not help herself. I am she when I left in the middle of the night she was furious. I can't do it. My ideas is declare her mental incompetent. Put her in a facility. Not she what kind she has drank like a fish all her life. It is getting entirely out of hand. What can we do?
Sorry but my take on parent/child situation is that it is not the child's responsibility to raise the parent. No doubt as we age, we break down cognitively as well as physically. I am not implying that we abandon our parents in any way. But it is not always the case of "caregiver neglect" that causes these situations.
How can you get there is the question. Try making her wash the sheets everyday. Please get a new mattress and keep plastic on it to keep it clean. Perhaps you are part of the problem from year of neglect (of course no one wants to admit that) I mean people are not objects to move around all the time, and as elders they lose control. Try taking the wine away after a glass or two, and/or water it down. How about a medical restraint or a med for bladder control? You are part of this arrangement, unless you put her in hospice.
Now your problem becomes getting her there.
Honestly, I'm sure she will hate it but you will at least be able to sleep at night peacefully, not being manipulated by her "perceived" needs and knowing she is being cared for.
I wish you luck in this situation. I know the feelings you have all too well.