My mother in law is in late stages of Alzheimer's. Me, my husband, brother i n law and father in law are trying to get through this difficult disease. I have three kids (8, 5 and 1), a stay at home mom. My hubby and father in law and brother in law have their own business. So two days a week I'm with her and the three children. she cannot do anything around the house like cleaning or cooking. She does not like showers, brushing her teeth or changing cloths. My father in law does most of this and she fights him over it. She can hardly talk to us. Its just words that make no sense or sounds. My kids play and it aggravates her because they are to loud. She refuses to eat for me and is starting to do the same with my father in law. I have been in this family for 10 years and she don't know me anymore. I sit with her 2 days a week and her moods toward me and kids are taking a toll. I'm trying so hard to help them by staying with her while they work. Any advice would help.
I read a very important book on the process of dying from hospice. That's how I learned about the body shutting down and losing the ability to digest or absorb food. Food and water at that time simply prolongs the agony. It just seems harsh to me now to force feed a person, when their body is doing all it can to end this life and start the next.
I think calling hospice and gathering info for your family would be a great start. I met with the hospice rep at a fast food restaurant so I would not get anyone upset. I learned a lot, and we were able to have the hospice nurse evaluate mthr. It was not her time - yet.
The hospice people are like midwives for the dying - offering knowledge, support, pain relief, and understanding of how the process goes. I would not want to have my first baby without someone there who knew what was happening! Perhaps that argument can bring your father in law around to allowing hospice to help in the home (free in the US, regardless of ability to pay).
(((Hugs!!)))