My mother in law is in late stages of Alzheimer's. Me, my husband, brother i n law and father in law are trying to get through this difficult disease. I have three kids (8, 5 and 1), a stay at home mom. My hubby and father in law and brother in law have their own business. So two days a week I'm with her and the three children. she cannot do anything around the house like cleaning or cooking. She does not like showers, brushing her teeth or changing cloths. My father in law does most of this and she fights him over it. She can hardly talk to us. Its just words that make no sense or sounds. My kids play and it aggravates her because they are to loud. She refuses to eat for me and is starting to do the same with my father in law. I have been in this family for 10 years and she don't know me anymore. I sit with her 2 days a week and her moods toward me and kids are taking a toll. I'm trying so hard to help them by staying with her while they work. Any advice would help.
I read a very important book on the process of dying from hospice. That's how I learned about the body shutting down and losing the ability to digest or absorb food. Food and water at that time simply prolongs the agony. It just seems harsh to me now to force feed a person, when their body is doing all it can to end this life and start the next.
I think calling hospice and gathering info for your family would be a great start. I met with the hospice rep at a fast food restaurant so I would not get anyone upset. I learned a lot, and we were able to have the hospice nurse evaluate mthr. It was not her time - yet.
The hospice people are like midwives for the dying - offering knowledge, support, pain relief, and understanding of how the process goes. I would not want to have my first baby without someone there who knew what was happening! Perhaps that argument can bring your father in law around to allowing hospice to help in the home (free in the US, regardless of ability to pay).
(((Hugs!!)))
Since she is in the late stages of dementia it may be very appropriate at this point to have her evaluated for hospice care. This is a special kind of service for those in the end stage of their lives. The goal is not to "cure" them or make them "better" but to ensure as much quality as possible, and as much freedom from pain and distress, for the remainder of their lives. If she is evaluated and they concur that she is eligible for the services, take advantage of them! If it isn't time yet, ask what to watch for and call on them later.
My husband died in our home, holding my hand. He had been on hospice care 5 weeks. My mother was on hospice care in a nursing home for about three months and then was discharged from the program because she improved so much. Hospice does not hasten death or prolong life. They are just there to help the entire family through the natural experience as it unfolds.
Of course you hate to hear that her body is winding down. This is very sad. But if it is true -- and hospice can help determine that -- then knowing it and acting accordingly is a blessing to all concerned.
My heart goes out to all of you. Please keep us informed as this progresses. Many of us have been where you and where your FIL is now. We care!