I am having a hard time. She had open heart surgery a year ago on our anniversary of our wedding. She is serbian and wants my husband all to herself. She has gone to the neighbors and said I am beating her when I work all the time. She says she wants to do anything in her power to get us to divorce. My husband doesn't see that she never showers, throws away all the food we have prepared, doesn't brush her teeth, hides dirty clothes and food in the room, she is getting worse and my husband doesn't see it. She is so mean to me. My husband has to give her the pills because she will flush them otherwise. I so want to put her in a home where she could maybe be happier but my husband says it is too expensive and wants her to live with us. I hate him for it and he lets her be mean to me. My family is supportive but says its up to me to stay or not. I picked him and my vows were important but is love enough?
You did go out into the serbian community and talked to some people who said this is all normal. Now, I recommend you stand up and fight for your rightful place beside your husband. That does not mean your place is as a servant. A woman's role can be one of managing the household.
Take some money, and go out into the serbian community again, seeking a caregiver-type person with the cultural norms to take charge of Mil's bathing, cleaning her room, while still respecting her dignity. Mil will feel better, maybe act better when she is cleaned up. Someone who speaks her language and culture, but who knows you are the woman of the house, not her servant. Clean everybody up, get dressed up, and start having friends over to your home.
You can buy mil a wonderful dress with her money, showing her how much you care.
Just guessing here, because I don't have a clue about your life or cultural norms.
You just seem so sad, and tearful, and burnt out. I wanted to help.
If I was in your situation, I would run from her and use the money to rent a room in a decent household, move in there myself maybe. But I hate any kind of abuse, no wonder you have been crying.
Keep checking back so you can get support here.
Take your parents advice, is my thinking. At least get away for awhile and let that silly knobhead of a husband see how hard it is. (Sorry if I offended -- far too many husbands are macho s**t heads.)
This is the kind of situation that doesn't have good options because of the refusals and adamant positions taken by MIL and your husband. Try to remember this and focus on the things that are important, like your own self esteem.
I think it wouldn't hurt to explore with a professional, including your rabbi, why you feel like you're "a mess" b/c of MIL claims you're the "cause of everything bad in her life."
Even if you know it's not true, I'm wondering why it's affecting you so seriously. Again, I think the cultural differences or perhaps your MIL's strong, willful and antisocial behavior might be the causes.
Fear, Obligation, and Guilt.
It takes time to heal from an assault such as this, but you can and will go on.
Draw near to your own family at this time, and be kind to yourself. If, in your mind, you must rehearse what has happened, that would not be healthy for you.
Did you see a counselor, therapist yet?
How are things today, after 4 months?
Best wishes as you continue, walk straight ahead, hold your head up. Smile.