Hesitant in the past to post on these sites because story is too detailed. So I'll try to make it short - initially. Mil (93.5 yrs old) living with us for past 2.5 years. She moved to be with daughter 7 yrs ago at daughter's continuing suggestions and gave up her apt in our state. My husband and siblings do not get along or speak for most part. Daughter had enough with mother - called one day and told my husband = ma is on airplane, landing in 1 hr - you need to pick her up at airport - sent her to airport (at 91 yrs old) in taxi. So here we are. Nightmare - been to several lawyers including elder care - nothing we can do - unless she goes to hospital 3 nights, etc. Daughter tried to get her to go to assisted living at the time (2.5 yrs ago) - no way. She wanted to go "Home" - + be with her baby i'm sure. we couldn't get her to go either. She is, in my opinion, a stealth narcissist. Little anger or lashing out - just cunning. Although she is able, will do little for herself - expects that this is the way it should be and thinks we should wait on her. Just wondering if anyone has any similar circumstance. I read about people deciding to move their elderly parent to live with them and then regret it.
I agree that it would be in many ways easier if she were in the hospital, and then you could refuse to bring her home. But you can refuse to have her live with you regardless of her health.
I think you may have been asking the attorneys the wrong question. You don't need to know how to force her into a particular living situation. You just need to know how to exert your right to determine who is living in your home.
And, of course, she can expect whatever she wants to expect. She can expect you to wait on her. But she cannot force it, can she? Are you enabling her selfish behavior by rewarding her demands?
This is your husband's mother. Is he willing to do what is necessary to have her removed from your home? If not, then you have some tough decisions. If he is, then there really are things you can do, whether she goes to a hospital or not. They will take a while to accomplish. The sooner you set them in motion, the sooner they will be finished.
Good luck honey. You will soon lose your sanity like I have. I missed the boat by not having her go straight into a nursing home from hospital stay last month. The social worker said (under her breath) that I could call emergency to get her back in hospital, and say in Emergency room she needs nursing care. I told her about the 3 day hospital stay thing..she said it wasn't true. I don't know what to believe anymore.
I thought it would be now in the later years. I thought the past 7 were bad....that was nothing compared to this. If I find anything out before you do, I will let you know. This is horrible.
Anyway, how's her money? As jeannegibbs says, you're not required to keep her. Is the house you're in initially her house? Or, is her house still available for her to live in? I'm just curious. In any event, can you tell her she has to move out, that you'll help her get a temporary place in your town until everything is worked-out? By "temporary" I really mean "permanent" but just by saying "temporary and until worked-out" hoping she'll accept it, for the moment. Or, if she's really sharp, she'll figure it out and refuse, but I guess it's worth a try.
I don't mean that you and spouse wouldn't look in on her, but sometimes a stranger is better for the routine stuff.
To anyone who is being physically abused by the person they are caring for should immediately call the police and press charges and get a restraining order as in any case of domestic abuse. You do not have to tolerate this.
MIL needs a crash-course in self-reliance, so put her to work around the house instead of practically cleaning up after her. She's just too comfortable and has to start pulling her own weight. Being in your '90s doesn't entitle you to 24/7 maid service.
In the meantime, figure out her total income and search for affordable senior citizens housing as far away from your home as possible. If she needs other assistance besides in-house services, your husband should take care of that.
I'm not going to suggest medical/psychiatric evals b/c she'll "dopefiend" her way through them. You've already diagnosed her and that's good enough. The time for compromise is over.
Laugh. Ithought I was the only one. I have yelled at my mom and then apologized.
My son helps me, but he she is driving him nuts. She has selective hearing,
And only wants to hear what she wants to hear. She always says wait till you get
To my age. Frankly I hope I dont make it to 90.
There is no option. One headed cracked bean, cant help another one. I think i will try using the f word to to my pillow.
Pami
My husband is doing it because his brother is doing it. One thing for sure I've dumped her onto him which was a biggie for me since I really got along with her before she pulled this number! Now our conversation for the month is basically "Hi with a kiss (the day she comes) and "Good Morning" for the other 27 days (no kiss included). Then there's my favorite the "Goodbye" (kiss included). Other than that we hardly speak because if I give her 2 minutes she takes my day and I get nothing done. Tried to tell her to go to senior citizen things but no ... all she does is sit half the day and read the paper and the other half she listens to her transistor radio. Then I put dinner on the table for my husband and her (one of my 5 minute meals I reserve just for when she's here) and my daughters and I eat later ... watching our favorite TV shows. She cuts into our family life like a knife ... but I refuse to reward her with the usual meals that I put on the table and the family environment that she thought she would get here. I KNOW this beauty is cunning ... and if I make it too nice here ... she will find a way to get her as* here more than the 5 months a year we already put up with. She rotates months ... BUT since we don't have Central Air she stays with her other son for the summer months ... that was my doing but of course I was only thinking of her comfort when I did that ... Whoooo Hooo the way the months are going this year if I keep to the rotation we'll have June, July and August and when she leaves in May I'll not only be sining "Beat It" I'll also be able to croon "See You In September"