Hesitant in the past to post on these sites because story is too detailed. So I'll try to make it short - initially. Mil (93.5 yrs old) living with us for past 2.5 years. She moved to be with daughter 7 yrs ago at daughter's continuing suggestions and gave up her apt in our state. My husband and siblings do not get along or speak for most part. Daughter had enough with mother - called one day and told my husband = ma is on airplane, landing in 1 hr - you need to pick her up at airport - sent her to airport (at 91 yrs old) in taxi. So here we are. Nightmare - been to several lawyers including elder care - nothing we can do - unless she goes to hospital 3 nights, etc. Daughter tried to get her to go to assisted living at the time (2.5 yrs ago) - no way. She wanted to go "Home" - + be with her baby i'm sure. we couldn't get her to go either. She is, in my opinion, a stealth narcissist. Little anger or lashing out - just cunning. Although she is able, will do little for herself - expects that this is the way it should be and thinks we should wait on her. Just wondering if anyone has any similar circumstance. I read about people deciding to move their elderly parent to live with them and then regret it.
I don't mean that you and spouse wouldn't look in on her, but sometimes a stranger is better for the routine stuff.
Anyway, how's her money? As jeannegibbs says, you're not required to keep her. Is the house you're in initially her house? Or, is her house still available for her to live in? I'm just curious. In any event, can you tell her she has to move out, that you'll help her get a temporary place in your town until everything is worked-out? By "temporary" I really mean "permanent" but just by saying "temporary and until worked-out" hoping she'll accept it, for the moment. Or, if she's really sharp, she'll figure it out and refuse, but I guess it's worth a try.
Good luck honey. You will soon lose your sanity like I have. I missed the boat by not having her go straight into a nursing home from hospital stay last month. The social worker said (under her breath) that I could call emergency to get her back in hospital, and say in Emergency room she needs nursing care. I told her about the 3 day hospital stay thing..she said it wasn't true. I don't know what to believe anymore.
I thought it would be now in the later years. I thought the past 7 were bad....that was nothing compared to this. If I find anything out before you do, I will let you know. This is horrible.
I agree that it would be in many ways easier if she were in the hospital, and then you could refuse to bring her home. But you can refuse to have her live with you regardless of her health.
I think you may have been asking the attorneys the wrong question. You don't need to know how to force her into a particular living situation. You just need to know how to exert your right to determine who is living in your home.
And, of course, she can expect whatever she wants to expect. She can expect you to wait on her. But she cannot force it, can she? Are you enabling her selfish behavior by rewarding her demands?
This is your husband's mother. Is he willing to do what is necessary to have her removed from your home? If not, then you have some tough decisions. If he is, then there really are things you can do, whether she goes to a hospital or not. They will take a while to accomplish. The sooner you set them in motion, the sooner they will be finished.