She refuses all medical help or assistance from any one. She is 90yrs. old. her husband died one year ago in Feb 2014. She does not eave the house. Expects her only child to do her laundry, cleaning, errands, shopping , cutting her toenails and be her socialization. She has severe arthritis and undiagnosed issues inner leads and feet has lost 50 lbs and at lead 3 inches in height. Complains constantly, insists she doesn't need or want help and has a million excuses why she can't leave the house, order new clothes, get medical attenion etc etc. She recently fell and did not call for help until she had been on the floor for nine hours( we live 90miles away. WHile we were n the road to get to her she called and sid she had managed to get p and she would not let s in few came there if we insisted she go to get checked out at the hospital ER.
She is causing great emotional distress to my husband( depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
Maybe you and he can do certain things, e.g. shopping and sharing dinner somewhere, when you come to visit. Let her know what you can do, then stick to your limits. It's amazing what other options people can find when they need to.
I do agree that living in a senior community sounds ideal for your MIL. There are plenty of people if she chooses and transportation to the places she needs to go. However, I know that getting some people out of their homes is like pushing an elephant. Good luck to you and your husband getting her to understand what you can and can't do.
The next time she falls and goes to the hospital tell the discharge person that you can no longer care for her, explain the situation and they will figure something out for her care.