She has lived in her community for 50 years. She is independent and able to drive. I am concerned such a move will be difficult for her to adjust to. Not to mention emotionally draining on my husband and myself. Mother in law is never happy and finds something to complain about in every situation.
If you are embarking on a tour of duty fraught with danger, only proceed if you know the plan, can assess the risks & are willing to be signed up.
It could be just a passing wishful thought?
Or is it a formed plan (using logic) that being closer to family would be practical?
Or a manipulation attempt? To move in with you permanently but kindly requesting for "a little while.." as the first reply from Grandma1954 mentioned.
Your gut instincts will know.
Do you know why she desires to move close to you?
I have seen this in my church. A spouse dies and the family of the surviving parent wants the parent closer because they live out of state. The problem is, and I had one man tell me this, he had no friends where his son lived. The son worked so Mr R was left alone. He missed his Church family. His neighbors of 50 years. Its hard to start over at 80. He died 2 yrs later. And there were others that did not adjust to the change and passed not long after the move.
I have BiPolar in my family. I love my two cousins to death but doubt if I would have them live with me. Neither medicate one is worse than the other. The manic side is bad in the one not so with the other. He just seems to keep more to himself. And I think he is manic when he calls me.
Seems like husband doesn't want Mom moving either. He, and it should be him, needs to tell Mom no the move is not a good thing. Not I "don't think" the move is a good thing but that its not happening. For a good reason, she is 80. She has friends. It will be hard to make new ones. At 80 she should not be driving in new areas. If she can even pass the test in ur state. She cannot live with you and she can't expect you to be her entertainment. You will be retiring, traveling and doing your own thing while u can. People like MIL u need to be very upfront to the point of being blunt. It won't work.
It sounds as though your MIL is now recognizing she needs more support. In a loving family that is close, gets along well, such a difficult move makes sense. However, in one with many challenges, and dependent on assets and ability, a move into senior living, independent living, etc. makes much more sense.
It sounds as though both you and your husband may be afraid of this move, and I suspect that is not without good reason.
You cannot stop someone who is mentally competent from moving anywhere they wish, so there is that. What discussion has been had between your MIL and yourselves?
You already have a taste of how she is...which will only become more pronounced and challenging as she ages. Please encourage your husband to read around on this forum the posts of others with bi-polar aging parents. They will definitely tell you to NEVER consider moving her in with you, even temporarily. I wish you both much wisdom as you broach this topic with your MIL.
If she plans on moving in with you for "a little while"..."until I find a place"
I would probably say not. Or not until you find a place to move into.
Is she in a house now?
Has she looked at the housing in your area?
Would she consider moving into a "Continuing Care Community"? One where she can go from Independent Living to Assisted to Skilled Nursing or Memory Care if that is ever needed? If so she can take virtual tours and arrange a real tour at some later date.
BUT this is NOT the time to move across the country for no real need.
If she is doing well now where she is I would strongly suggest that she remains where she is for the time being.