Mother leaves her heat on 79 all the time and refuses to lower it because she is freezing. Yet when an outrageous bill comes, she gets angry!

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Mother leaves her heat on 79 all the time and refuses to lower it because she is freezing. Yet when an outrageous bill comes, she gets angry!

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I took over all my mother’s bills. They all get automatically paid every month. I just make sure she has enough money to cover all expenses. She doesn’t even ask about things anymore. If I feel the cable bill is creeping too high for her, I call and ask them to make adjustments. The thermostat cannot go above 72 degrees. She seems comfortable with this. It is too hot for me if I spend any time in there! Whew! I just make sure she is on a regular gas delivery to accommodate. Less stressful for them to give up some things they can’t handle anymore. This has worked well for us for a few years now. My mother is 93. I am her caretaker for 8 yrs. i had to take the reigns from her with her bills a few years ago. If she wants to remain somewhat independent, then making life simpler for her is better.

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You have the right idea, nymima. I see folks agitated and “fretting” about things like this and it just upsets them and adds stress to an already stressful situation. Sometimes we have to just roll with it on some things.

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The elderly often are not able to feel temperature like we do. There are a number of factors including poor circulation and I've been told that blood thinners have a large impact. That's why they are cold all the time and so the heat is always turned up. Its a trade off. No one likes to feel cold. How often have you heard people say their bones are cold? Not a comfortable feeling. There are many clothing options that may help and there are other good suggestions here in other posts. Wear sweaters, use lap blankets, space heaters can be risky but are great for heating small areas. They can absorb lot of electricity too. Communication and working with your family member should yield a workable solution.

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My mother did this too and so did Dad. My mother had dementia but Dad did not. Their neighbor did it too and I would go over to check her thermostat and she had been “fiddling” with hers too. They all seem comfortable but my sister and I would be fanning and sweating while there. Dad would allow us to turn the heat down and when we left he would turn it back up. I am convinced it is an age thing since they are not as active. Mom was bedridden. We had caregivers coming in to help and they HAD to turn it down to work in the house but Dad turned it back up to 79 or 80 when they left because of Mom yelling it was cold. I think it is normal but people don’t know it until they see it happening in their own family.

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It's like menopause deja vu LOL!

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LOL You are not the only one. My late parents did the same thing, and I was burning up with sweat. I told them that their skin are very thin. They didn’t understand. I kept buying them blankets, sweaters, and heavy robes. My dad liked it, but my mom thought it was a hassle to get her sweater, and robe. So, keep complaining to your mom that she can layer her clothes, and you cannot go naked. LOL Good luck!

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Many good and practical answers have been offered to you here. The problem is in implementing them. There needs to be dialogue about the issue between two rational adults. In your situation, one is not rational...your mother. So, what you do is stop spinning your wheels and take charge, as in paying the bill yourself, getting a lock for the thermostat, or making some arrangement that she no control over. Try some of the suggestions about maximizing her warmth with extra clothing, etc. If she balks, let it go. You will get an ulcer listening to her yell and trying to reason with her. She will not change. Wish you both peace!

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I don't blame you for being upset.. I couldn't live in that kind of heat. If it's your house, keep the thermostat on what you want, if it is theirs, as long as they have enough money to pay the bill I wouldn't worry. Good luck

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You could Put a lock on the thermostat & Blame the power company. Usually, the power company will come out and tell you for free how you can save money on your electric bill.. They provided me with a list of what items cost to operate, As my dad drove me crazy about a light being on for a few seconds too late or opening and closing the refrigerator when I showed him that his leaving his charger in for his phone or tablet and keeping his appliances plugged in was burning up far more money and electricity then my efforts, Which would total $5 a year. :)

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First of all, find a way to "set" the thermostat at a reasonable temperature and make sure the display (even if you have to tamper with it) shows a high degree of temperature. Do NOT sit in torture and sweat constantly - it is HER problem. Aside from layers of clothing, I have a perfect solution which worked for me when I was disabled and could no longer work due to many surgeries and loss of income. I had my office in the basement of my home and it was really cold down there but I could not afford the heating bills to keep it really warm. What I did was so simple and cheap......when I was working at my desk, I kept a heating pad on my lap. Within about l5 - 20 minutes my body was warm and I felt so happy and comfortable and was no longer cold. I could then afford the heat I could use and I was never cold. I assume she sits most of the time rather than wandering around the house. So get her a good heating pad - it works wonders. I use one at night in my bed for a couple of hours when I go to ged and I am in great shape the rest of the night as I like the air in my room to be cool so I can breathe more easily. Or, perhaps put her into one room with the door closed and heat that ONE room. Do NOT give in to her!!!!

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I have lived this scenario as well. In my case, my 88 year-old mother's iron levels were low (chronic anemia). Have this checked via bloodwork. It was recommended that we give her an over-the-counter IRON dietary supplement (Iron 65 mg USP/325 mg ferrous sulfate). This corrected not only the constant complaint of being cold, but over time, she had more energy. BE ADVISED: Iron can constipate and the color of stool is much darker (green). Prunes or other food item may have to be added to diet to offset this. (Try not to add an over-the-counter remedy, if possible, for obvious reasons 😊). Also, it will take some time to correct this.

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To much iron can also cause brutal headaches, please only add iron under the supervision of her doctor.

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If your mom lives in her own home, you could look into whether she qualifies for fuel assistance. If she does, she likely qualifies for more help in keeping her home warm. Sometimes, it can mean a new fuel efficient furnace, or additional insulation free of charge. If she doesn't qualify for fuel assistance, she might consider some of those changes to make the home better in that regard. Obviously, some fixes cost more than others. Attic insulation might cost less than replacing windows, although if mom spends most of her time in a particular room, you could consider replacing the windows in just that room, for example. If she is well able to handle the added cost of the fuel, perhaps she can afford some energy upgrades. The reality is, the older one gets, the harder it is to stay warm. If you are cold, it can cause tension in muscles which can be quite harmful to an older person. In terms of personal comfort, you can go old school with light pointelle underlayers (think Vermont Country Store), a pretty scarf around the neck and shoulders, and a good old fashioned hot water bottle. I also feel that synthetic clothing is not as warm as cotton/wool combinations, particularly when talking about socks. I splurged and bought my 87 year old mom a pair of those wool fleece lined Ugg boots. She LOVED them. Talk about cozy and warm! We handled winter pretty well. The problem was in summer. She didn't mind the heat, but I did! That was a harder fix.

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My solution was to get a NEST thermostat and put the NEST app on my smartphone. Turn down the heat from anywhere at anytime of day. Just don't tell Mom about the app!

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We got one too, but I don't have a smart phone and just didn't have the energy to do it, though it is tempting. Worst for me is in the summer in re to needing the a/c to get some sleep. Have considered putting a lock box over the dial...it was the learning thermostat and what I learned was it was way more visible and easy to read...but seemed to have a mind of it's own because of all the back and forth...so when a wire was loose and we needed a service call, we had it unprogrammed.

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I have not read all but I pay like $700 once then when bill comes says 0 due. I know you need to keep older people extra warm. You can step outside to cool off. Their time is short so nice to please them & pay ahead so bill shows 00 due.

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You might also talk with her doctor about Mom's need for heat. If they can document a health issue causing her need to keep warm, she might be able to qualify for help with her billing. My late mother had systemic scleroderma involving her circulatory system. Because her blood vessels didn't easily constrict and dilate, it was hard for her to regulate her internal temperature. Once she got out of balance, it was hard to get back to a reasonable core temperature. Mom wore fleece and used a lap blanket year-round, even during summer heat waves. Her doctor filled out paperwork from the local utility company that qualified her for a medical baseline rate. It eliminated some of the "excessive use" rate penalties and definitely helped with the bills. You might also talk to the utility company about coming out for a free home inspection to see if there is anything that can be done to make the house more energy efficient. If they do identify issues, it could help. If they can't find anything, you can remind Mom that they checked. Good Luck and best wishes.

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Seek out answers from her neurologist.

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4 things come to mind that you can do. Replace the thermostat with a digital one, slowly lowering the temp over months. Find out if is her thyroid needs adjusting. Have her wear layers. Check weatherstripping and areas of air infiltration. Good luck

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Assumptions: she lives in her own home and possibly has dementia?

Several suggestions made sound the best to me:

1. get onto a budget plan where they average out the costs and the bill doesn't vary much.
2. have the bill sent to you (this assumes that you have some control over her finances - if not, this really doesn't help.
3. if she has dementia, "fixing" this issue will likely result in getting angry over something else. No point in wasting a lot of time and patience explaining, reasoning or arguing about whatever it is she rants about - try to agree and change the subject. If she continues outbursts, perhaps her doctor can Rx something to calm her (very low dose of something that takes the edge off.)

I didn't see an age listed, but can say that yes, many older people seem to have a problem with being cold. Most of the ladies at mom's MC place have sweaters on year round! During an early heat wave here (New England) last year, I showed up in a tank top and jeans for a visit. No A/C at home or in cars, so I was HOT! They kept asking me "aren't you cold?" No, I'm waiting for my temperature to return to normal before I will feel the A/C here! Took at least a half hour for that to happen.

So you need to find a way around the excessive bill that triggers the outburst. Budget plan is easiest and doesn't cost anything. If you replace the thermostat, you could try reducing it a bit, but probably best not to reduce it much because then she'll just complain about being cold. Suggesting extra layers probably won't help either, if she has dementia. She won't remember to put anything on and continue to complain.

For those who have to share space with the cold-meisters, dress in layers yourself, so you can add or remove clothes as needed. If A/C is whole house, try a portable or window unit in your own room for sleeping in cooler temps. Our mother had a programmable thermostat, but would manage to shut off the A/C in summer (it had a toggle switch between A/C and heat)- I showed up once in the summer when she was still living on her own and the place was like a hot house. I was sweating within minutes. There was potential to do the opposite in winter, resulting in no heat! Brother replaced with a Nest, and she really couldn't mess with it - didn't understand how it worked. But, if she wanted it that hot, he would program it that way. He set it to control temp day/night and had a low temp warning for monitoring it.

(some suggested humidifier - if the heat and A/C is forced air, definitely consider this. the drier air tends to make it feel colder than it really is - the blowing doesn't help either. closing off areas not really used and reducing heat to those areas could help, but not if she is going to be opening them up just because. I have several rooms closed off to the cats, and closed the top vent covers - it is hot water system. hopefully this is reducing heat wasted in those rooms, but keeps them warm enough the pipes don't freeze!)

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Maybe you can send the bills to your home,set up at your home online payment,or set up a budget plan ...either case if she cannot see the bills and asks just say the amount was correct as stated above.Will she tolerate a heating pad?So long as it stays at a comfortable temperature.My mom loved hers ..it was programed to stay at one temp so she could not change it.Just some ideas.

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If you do not have a POA, please get one ASAP. You may have to make up a story "little white lie" to get her to agree to it. Use if you are ill and in hospital I would need to pay your bills or might have to make a decision for you and would need it to get your medication, whatever but get her to sign it. Speak to an elder attorney if you need to about getting a POA. Once you have the POA send a copy to all of her bills and have them send you the bills and you pay her bills. You can also set up to have auto payments taken out of her account too. You then need to get a hold of the checkbook. Maybe leave her the actual checkbook with a few checks, but you get all of the other checks and take those home with you. This is what my brother had to do with my mother. If you have to you can set up a PO Box and slowly get the addresses changed to yours. Also, you have her mail go there so you can go through it and then deliver to her the junk mail that no one is asking for money.

Keep a list of things the are out of character that your mother is doing and provide that list to her doctor. We did this for our mother and I made an appointment with her doctor and went with her, so the doctor would take it seriously and understand something was not right. I did mail the list ahead of time and her doctor was wonderful. Just don't give it to doctor in front of her, either mail ahead a time of an appointment or asked the nurse to give it to him and ask him to review it before coming in the room and not tell her about the list.

I wish you all the best. I know it is full time job just in getting everything set up, so she isn't upset, but in your control to make sure bills are getting paid correctly and she isn't being scammed.

My mother is currently in a memory care center and in the late stages of Alzheimer's and as for room temperature they keep it so warm that I am uncomfortable when I visit her. It is so warm that at times I have had trouble breathing, so I guess this is an older person issue. I'm not sure how the workers take that heat day after day. They do have electric heat throws, maybe that is something to consider for her, but if she has dementia/Alzheimer's reasoning with her will not work. They no longer have any reasoning skills.

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My 82 yr old mother did the same thing. It was a huge battle. We finally put a lock box over it. She threatened to smash it with a hammer, but never said another word about the temp. More and more boundaries, as logic no longer applies.

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My mom is always cold due to low activity (low metabolism) and pain medication which makes her feel cold. I keep my heaters off at the fuse box and have installed an air conditioner/heater in her room and she uses an electric blanket while in her recliner and when she sleeps. If she needs more heat, I turn the heater part on and set it at 70. It warms her room up nicely and shuts off on it's own. It's not a space heater so no risk of fire.

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Mother leaves her heat on 79 all the time and refuses to lower it because she is freezing. Yet when an outrageous bill comes, she gets angry!

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