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Chleco, I found this excellent article here on Aging Care regarding paranoia. My Dad developed what was called "sundowning", a phase of dementia, thus his reasoning was questionable late in the afternoon and into the evening.
As BarbBrooklyn suggested, your mom's Dr. should be consulted. There may be a medication he/she can prescribe that will give your mom some peace of mind.
And paranoia is a symptom of dementia. When my dad developed dementia due to liver failure at the end of his life he had elaborate fantasies about the staff of his nursing home. Initially, in his fantasies, he knew what was going on (in his mind) at the nursing home and because he was in the know the danger he perceived didn't affect him but his fantasies and paranoia became darker and more threatening and that's when we began having problems. I patiently told him over and over that he was safe and that I'd never, ever let anything happen to him. I listened to him and consoled him and that would pacify him for a while and then it would start all over again. I never told him that his fears were nonsense or tried to convince him that what he was afraid of wasn't real. I just continually tried to reassure him that I would always make sure he was safe.
Of course your brother-in-law isn't out to kill your mom but how would it feel if you knew someone wanted to kill you but no one believed you? That would be terrifying. Reassure your mom that she's safe, that you'll always protect her. And it would be a good idea if the next time your sister visits her husband doesn't join her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/hallucinations-delusions-and-paranoia-151513.htm
And paranoia is a symptom of dementia. When my dad developed dementia due to liver failure at the end of his life he had elaborate fantasies about the staff of his nursing home. Initially, in his fantasies, he knew what was going on (in his mind) at the nursing home and because he was in the know the danger he perceived didn't affect him but his fantasies and paranoia became darker and more threatening and that's when we began having problems. I patiently told him over and over that he was safe and that I'd never, ever let anything happen to him. I listened to him and consoled him and that would pacify him for a while and then it would start all over again. I never told him that his fears were nonsense or tried to convince him that what he was afraid of wasn't real. I just continually tried to reassure him that I would always make sure he was safe.
Of course your brother-in-law isn't out to kill your mom but how would it feel if you knew someone wanted to kill you but no one believed you? That would be terrifying. Reassure your mom that she's safe, that you'll always protect her. And it would be a good idea if the next time your sister visits her husband doesn't join her.
Paranoia is a symptom. It can be a symptom of dementia, or of a UTI or many other things.
A change in mental status should always be reported to the doctor and advice sought.