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Thank you Debbie and MarySlate. I am looking for a caregiver and would prefer someone with nursing skills at this point. Actually I would like at least 2 caregivers. It's been very difficult for me to even make any calls to set anything up since I can't seem to get my brother who lives down the street to spend time with our mother without having a fit and telling me I better find someone quick. I think I'm doing a great job and take very good care of my mother. I cook for her, make sure she is bathed well, dressed well, exercised, activities, ect...Whatever she needs or wants, she gets. I love her very much! Although I do know I need help. I'm not getting enough sleep and have health problems myself. I did put an alarm on my mother's bedroom door so I know if so leaves her room at night.
My mom did that. First of all she has dementia as well as diabetes so she got up at least once an hour to use the bedside commode which takes a good 30 minutes. It took three years to get her to use adult diapers and at that time I put her on temazapan I now know why they use sleep deprivation as a tortute in war times.
The quality trade off here is cost versus amount to education. A LPN and an RN may be worth the expense. Personally, I bring a 12 cup pot of coffee and a protein snack (protein by itself prepares the person for wakefullness). Elsewise people who work 16 hours of double shifts need to sleep some time. I used to be against video cams watching the pt's bed and room like a baby monitor.but now as a home care nurse for 13 years has changed my mind on that kind of watching. CNA 's and GNA's have less education but they may be safer than a sitter with decades of sitting. I read an article describing how the artist Andy Warhol was recovering from gallbladder surgery and had hired a sitter (not nurse) for the night shift.. The floor nurse who was still responsible the pt., and the doctor, called the room to ask how the patient was doing and were told pt was OK. The sitter sat and read a book and did not know to watch the patient's IV and the pt died by drowding in the large amount of extra fluids from the runaway IV One suggestion is to contact the local nursing school for a sitter who may be more skilled than the very experienced. The sitter above recommended by the hospital and was fired. You might talk to the ICU nurse manager because she may know who needs extra money. If the pt is going to need lots of care over a period of time, I suggest you do a background check and a drug screen. The explanation for these reguests is so the family can feel at ease and comfortable about who is caring their loved one. If pt is in a facility, outside nurses are not allowed to delegate to write legal nursing notes and give medicines. Even with my 39 years as a RN PhD I would not work in a facility anyway more than just a sitter. The floor staff is always busy and there is general resentment because the private nurses get paid much more. Your patient needs to be cared for a nurse who communicates with the doctor and also have time to tell the sittter where is the equipment located they need to do care with
I'm sorry I asked the question about the latched screen door. I read where someone said that could be really bad in case of a fire, unlawful imprisonment, etcetera. I obviously wasn't thinking about that aspect. A very hard problem to solve. Best of luck.
First of all, let me congratulate you for taking on the hard responsibility of being a caregiver! I was POA and caregiver for my mom for 9 years, and the last 1/12 years were the hardest. Even though it was very exhausting for both my husband and I, I will never regret the love and care I gave to her! I had the bed and chair alarms, baby monitor, but that just alarmed us that she was trying to get up, but it did not help us get better sleep when the alarm would sometimes go off 3-5 times a night. We would try to catch up on sleep during the day if she napped, it was just like being a new mom.We were lucky enough to find a wonderful girl who worked as a home health aide for 10 years and she offered to do it private duty and it cost my mom half of what a home health agency would have charged us. Then when it got so bad at nights, our day aide had a family member and was older and who was willing to do the over nights so we could get our sleep. Thank God my mom had enough money to pay for the home care and I never had to put her into a nursing home. With a sad heart, my mom passed away almost 3 weeks ago and along with hospice and the aides I was able to keep my promise to her to be able to stay at home. Just remember, as much as you are trying to do for your mother, you must also remember to take care of yourself! Prayers and Blessings are being sent!
Anne1017.....I was the 2nd caregiver. I have had more than one caregiver in the past. The young girls were sleeping, another women through an agency was working a double shift. She took on another client at night. After that she started coming in with serious body odor and was sleeping across my mothers bed. The caregiver who worked with her was good, but she moved to Maine. My mom couldn't stand her though. Everytime I would mention cutting her days back and getting another caregiver during the day, she said she was fine and didn't need another. Originally she was suppose to only be 3 days and assist me in bringing in another, but never did. I believe she became a bit greedy. Going through an agency makes me nervous. I want consistency. I don't want different people all the time. So many of my friends have had terrible experiences with agencies and stealing. I haven't called the local area on aging yet, but I will. Thank you. Yes, it is sad anyone feels the need to put Cameras in. Especially to protect their loved ones, but this helped me see that my mother's caregiver wasn't caring for my mother. I'm glad I had them.
97yroldmom...I'm working on some of those things. I don't want to lock her in her room, although I have bought door alarms/chimes for the bedroom doors. I also have a baby monitor set up so I can hear her. I love the card table idea and her bathroom is right there in her bedroom. I am working on the bedside commode also.
I have no experience with this but would it be wrong to put a screen door on her room? One you could lock from the outside. Have the room set up like others mentioned with a bedside commode and card table.
Have you called the local area on aging for any lists of caregivers? Sometimes a geriatric care manager also may have resources. Yes, you pay for the initial help but finding one on your own is pretty hard. I gather that you have not used an agency? This is a tough job that people think they want but they really discover otherwise. Do you have more than one so they avoid burn-out? So sad that folks have to get cameras put in, isn't it!
pargirl...Thank you so much for your input...I will be looking for a new caregiver since the other one decided to stop taking care of my mother they way she should have been. I had to let her go. I also have cameras. I did take my mom to the doctor and she doesn't have a UTI. I know how they can reek havic on the elderly. I push water all day. The doctor did run blood work to check her kidneys and liver. I won't put my mother in a facility. I had my house built with special ADA accommodations so she can live out the remainder of her life here. I will bring in nurses and caregivers. I'm just having a difficult time getting someone to stay with her while I interview or to speak with people. My brother is wanting me to hire his wife which I don't believe is a good idea. She is wonderful. He has issues, which I fear would cause problems. I recently was forced to apply for disability due to chronic health problems, so unfortunately I won't be returning to work. I still need assistance since it is difficult for me to bathe my mother and help lift her out of chairs. I do it, although it is painful for me. My mother gets a good bath everyday. Unlike when the caregiver I just let go was here. I found her sitting in the chair in the bedroom while Mom was in the shower. Without assistance, my mom's idea of bathing is just running water over herself.
The six months I lived with my mom I was definitely sleep deprived. She was a pacer. All blinds and shutters would be closed at 4:30 to 5:00pm. She was too afraid to go outside at dark so I didn't have to worry about her leaving the house but ohhh, would she pace and turn on all the lights. It would scare me to death every night when she would turn on my bedroom light. I would ask her "MOM, WHY....what .....are you doing?" she never answered. I think she was just checking to see that there was no one in the house. Didn't eve remember she was doing it. When she went to her facility she would pace all night. Go get in her bed for a time then get back up and pace the halls. Luckily it is a facility that she could do that....went in circles and had cameras for nurses to watch. I go and see these people pacing. Don't know where they are going but they just can't sit or stand still. Ok, sorry that went on.....what to do to get sleep? Is she ready for a facility? Are finances in place where she can go? If not then bring someone in for the evenings. Social services can help get you started. If you are wiped out you can't be effective or helpful. If you are still working then it won't be for long since you won't be able to make good decisions. I know from where I speak. It breaks you down. Physically and emotionally. Please seek some help. Is she eligible for VA financial help? Again, social worker, or elder attny can help sort things out. If she hasn't been checked in a while then it could be that she needs physical and possibly a UTI. UTI's are wicked on elderly. Dehydration can take it's toll. I think she needs to be checked out by her physician. If she has and nothing is wrong, then it might just be time to move her or bring help in if possible. There is help out there financially. Please check with all of the above mentioned.....social worker, elder attny, facilities. They are huge sources of information and can help sort things out for you. Good Luck and God Bless
Well....Now I've had to let the daytime caregiver go. You would think when they know there's one camera in the house, there may be others. Cameras don't lie. She was sleeping and not doing what she was hired to do for my mother. Mom was going out in the yard with the dogs (which she loves and they love her) and no caregiver around. Working on hiring a new caregiver and gonna do a respite program. No napping during the day. I have started a low dose of melatonin. Trying several of the great ideas posted and really appreciate everyone's input.
Unfortunately the "wandering" day or night is a symptom of the disease. This is the one that brought us to 24 hour live-in care givers.(Yes, alarms on the doors also) It worked for a full 9 months. :-) When my mother became wobbly and unsafe walking around herself, we had to put her in assisted living. She never wanted to end up there, but her house has stairs and being in her house gave her the POWER to do as she pleased. Bless you- and take care of yourself. You're not able to care for someone else if you aren't getting enough sleep.
As a 40 year night nurse I have dealt with elderly wanderers. I used this sentence 'did you think it is morning and you had to getup?' Pt , being afraid to admit confusion. She would answer 'yes'. Then I'd say 'it's still night and you can go to sleep for awhile.
I forgot to mention even with Alzheimer's there are certain television programs that she will watch and stay awake. I have the entire DVD set of "Dark Shadows" -- she loves that show. I pop some episodes in she will stay awake and watch those and not sleep. I don't know if she understands what goes on but she likes it.
I keep my mom up during the day. Sleeping during the day is not allowed. In the morning I will give her a strong cup of coffee. During the after noon I give her green tea mixed with cocoa. Believe it or not, these things really help. IF she decides to sleep during the early evening I have a cow bell that I ring. However, do NOT give her any caffeine after 5 p.m. Overall my mom sleeps during the night and stays awake during the day. However, she will still have her occasions and WANDER at night. At least for a little. LOCKING THE DOORS -- pad locking them before going to bed--is MANDATORY. DOOR ALARMS are also MANDATORY. DAILY EXERCISE is also most helpful--I walk my mom daily using a walker. It helps her mind a lot. If she gets really restless during the day than I will take her out for another walk. Yes it's a lot of work but welcome to the world of caregiving.
I put side rails on the bed. Now my husband can't get out of bed, but this is a safety issue, too. Since he falls, I don't want him getting out without my assistance. Also, he sleeps very well, since I put him on Benadryl at night. He was really lethargic when he wasn't sleeping at night. The Benadryl has been a godsend. It's amazing what sleep deprivation can do to an already confused mind.
with the talk about the meds for helping with this has made me remember and wonder; know when dad went in the hospital the first time he had been used to taking what he called a sleeping pill - just something otc, don't think melatonin but possibly? - anyway, they wouldn't let him have it at the hospital and he, whether actually physical or psychological, would not settle down without taking something, which they couldn't do without doctor's orders; now I know it was late but it was getting bad; they did not and could not handle him, to the point they were giving him -yes, multiple, with each one making him worse, at one point do you stop - Haldol shots - till I finally practically ordered them (though I know they didn't have to listen) to call his doctor and tell him and ask him for something - I think they get scared to let the doctors know they can't handle these patients, but he was fine with it, I really think they want to know; it's the nurses that don't want them to know, ordered him - ambien, I think it was, and he was fine then - now, again, whether it was really that or just taking something - I almost think they could have given him an M&M and he would have been fine - maybe I should have just done that, hm...well, maybe not
I barely slept for months keeping one eye open on my night wandering mother. Every safety effort was implemented along with frequent health and medications evaluations. Placing my mom in an AL was the very best decision for her safety and for my own health and sanity.
I see a lot of posts regarding UTIs on other threads as well. While it is common, i think a lot of hospitals etc go straight to that diagnosis. There is a preliminary diagnosis but the true confirmation takes 24hrs. My mom never had a UTI ever but still exhibited behaviors that are similar. While it's fine to be tested and rule it out, my mom was wrongly given heavy antibiotics unnecessarily and never really diagnosed for the problems she complained about. Just worth an FYI....
I just had her to the doctor last week for her 3 month check up, but I'm gonna give them a call and take her in just to make sure there isn't a UTI. she had another bad night last night.
Have her checked for a urinary tract infection. This is quite common in th elderly and causes sleepless nights, night mares and a plethora of crazy behavior. The brain swells because the toxins from the UTI get into the blood. I think this is the thing that killed my mother.
Use a baby gate on her room. I live in a split level and Mom is in the bottom level that wwould becalled a family room. She has her own bathroom. I put a gate up so she can't getup the steps. I put a piece of wood under the gate to make it high enough she can't climb over it.
Debbie54....I am sorry for your loss. My mother has alzheimers now. She was diagnosed with dementia several years back and has since been diagnosed with alzheimers. I like the idea of the bed alarm. I have a caregiver during the day who is suppose to be keeping my mom active and exercising her as part of her duties, although I've come to find out this hasn't been happening. I may need to find another caregiver since she didn't appreciate being called out and caught lying to me. I hate interviewing, but am about to get started. Plus I have a respite lined up. I know caregivers aren't cheap.
Does your mother have dementia? If yes, this is very typical behavior and I just went through this for almost a year with my godmother, who just passed away 2 weeks ago. I got a bed alarm for her, which you can order on line or probably get at a medical supply store. A pad is placed on the bed with a sensor that will set off an alarm when she tries to get up. It does work, but it scares the heck out of you when you are sleeping, and it still will keep you up all night if she continues to try to get up. The only real alternative is to have an home health aide do an overnight shift so you can get continuous sleep, otherwise any devise you get, bed pad, monitor system, etc will keep you getting up every night and losing sleep. Like I said, I went through this for over a year, not every night and sometimes weeks would go by with no problems, then she would start up again and then for a few days she would try to get out of bed sometimes 3-5 times a night! It is not easy to say what to do, because you never know what and when they will try to do something, and you must always be careful of them falling and hurting themselves. This is why so many people give in and place their loved ones in a nursing home, as it is too difficult to handle the different stages that will arise with this disease. And always remember, to make sure you take good care of yourself and your health, as it is very easy for the caregiver's health to fail because of all the extra stress caregiving puts on your life! In the last month, I finally had 2 home health aides come in for 12 hour shifts each, as I was totally exhausted and now, I wish I would have done it sooner! Yes, it was not cheap to have them come in for that time, but nursing homes are not cheap either, and you never know how your loved one is being treated there. You also must consider that there will be someone in your home at all times, but towards the end, I would never had been able to take care of her by myself. Prayers and Blessings being sent to you!
Mom has advanced dementia and was also up alot at nite. I got her used to the adult diapers and that helped but every noise I was awake. The Dr recommended melatonin. I had better results with the tylenol pm. It took care of her aches and put her to sleep better. I ordered a bed rail from online and she cannot get it down so she lies quietly and returnes to sleep. Me and my husband have now been able to sleep all nite long.its a process of what works for you and your Mom. Every case is different.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
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I read an article describing how the artist Andy Warhol was recovering from gallbladder surgery and had hired a sitter (not nurse) for the night shift.. The floor nurse who was still responsible the pt., and the doctor, called the room to ask how the patient was doing and were told pt was OK. The sitter sat and read a book and did not know to watch the patient's IV and the pt died by drowding in the large amount of extra fluids from the runaway IV
One suggestion is to contact the local nursing school for a sitter who may be more skilled than the very experienced. The sitter above recommended by the hospital and was fired. You might talk to the ICU nurse manager because she may know who needs extra money. If the pt is going to need lots of care over a period of time, I suggest you do a background check and a drug screen. The explanation for these reguests is so the family can feel at ease and comfortable about who is caring their loved one. If pt is in a facility, outside nurses are not allowed to delegate to write legal nursing notes and give medicines. Even with my 39 years as a RN PhD I would not work in a facility anyway more than just a sitter. The floor staff is always busy and there is general resentment because the private nurses get paid much more. Your patient needs to be cared for a nurse who communicates with the doctor and also have time to tell the sittter
where is the equipment located they need to do care with
97yroldmom...I'm working on some of those things. I don't want to lock her in her room, although I have bought door alarms/chimes for the bedroom doors. I also have a baby monitor set up so I can hear her. I love the card table idea and her bathroom is right there in her bedroom. I am working on the bedside commode also.
Thank you both for your input.
Bless you- and take care of yourself. You're not able to care for someone else if you aren't getting enough sleep.