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Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? Anyone have experience with this? Mom is adamant that she is not going to have it pulled. She is aware of things enough in the moment.

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You can die of a tooth infection. I almost did. If she is refusing to see a dentist at least get her to her primary care doctor and maybe HE can convince her of the necessity to yank that thing OUT before the infection spreads to her brain or anything else. Don’t mess around wirh teeth and bacteria.
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I had an abscessed tooth a few years back, in a tooth that had cracked allowing bacteria to reach the root. I went to a dentist for toothache and they told me it was sensitivity. I came back when the gum boil appeared, along with a fever. They couldn't save the tooth so they had to pull it. I was on antibiotics for three weeks before the extraction, but the infection was not completely gone even then. It was a pain, especially the careful aftercare to avoid a "dry socket."

That said, I read an article about a guy who had no health insurance, who got diagnosed with a tooth abscess in the ER. They gave him prescriptions for antibiotics and painkillers. He could only afford one med, so he got the painkillers. He died a few weeks later from the infection. Based on that, I wouldn't play around with this.
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Actually, a hole may need to be drilled in the tooth to let the abcess drain. Then antibiotics given. Usually a root canal is done but at Moms age the tooth should be pulled otherwise an infection could reoccur.
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I don't know that extraction is the first step. I would be more worried about clearing up the infection before I let them pull it. If they are not careful they could introduce the infection into her bloodstream and then she will have a struggle overcoming the whole thing.

Be sure and get some good probiotic, whether pills, drink or food and give her this 2 hours either side of taking the antibiotics. It will help her not have all of her friendly bacteria killed, causing her own system to struggle keeping healthy.

I would get a second opinion on extraction of the tooth. I honestly don't think that it is always necessary.
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I had an abscess under a tooth. I felt no pain. It is a very long saga but I ended up with a fracture in my jaw which required surgery with dead bone removed,a plate and screws put in. The endodontist did not initially prescribe antibiotics and spent too much time trying to save the tooth. I have been on a PICC line for 6 weeks. It has been an absolute nightmare. I don't know that this would happen to your mother but you might want to share the story.
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How do you know she has an abscessed tooth if it's not causing her pain? Is she taking antibiotics for it? Does she have any other symptoms such as fever?

If she is seeing a dentist (I assume she is), what does the dentist say when she refuses to have the tooth out?

Do you have any other local relatives/close associates who can discuss this with her? When my mother was recalcitrant about medical issues, I'd call another sister or two over and we'd gang up on her. Often, that was what it took.
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JoAnn29 Nov 2019
My husband had no pain. Abcesses tend to show upvas a pimple on the gum.
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