I know she tried to clean it up but by the time I arrived the entire house smelled and when I walked into the bathroom with all of the soil clothes she had no idea what it was and what had happened. We do have a caregiver five mornings a week and my brother and I split the weekends. We feel that she doesn't need any more care than that because she's not a runner, she basically just sits on the couch all day long and watches tv. She does walk on her own, she can eat on her own and does go to the bathroom by herself. The reason we have the caregiver is because she was not showering or brushing her teeth daily.
My nephew was living with my Mom. He worked so out of the house from 8 to 4. He came home one day to a pot burning on the stove. Another time crying because she forgot how to use her phone and couldn't answer the phone. A UTI and hospital stay was when I realized she needed to move in with me until I could get her into a place. Dementia has no rhyme or reason. Those suffering from it are unpredictable. They cannot reason anymore. There is no logic in what they say or do.
If Mom does not have the money for an Assisted Living maybe she can get Medicaid. Either to help with in home care or Longterm care.
Yes, you can get her in depends and change all her clothing to stuff that can be removed quickly, but if she still soils herself, all you have done is made the cleanup a little easier.
I am sorry to say that she needs far more care than you are saying. If she were able to toilet herself and clean up afterwards, OK, that's one thing. But the 2-4 hrs she has someone with her is not sufficient to catch a random BM. You are basically setting yourself up to be with her until she's done her business, so to speak. I know my mom was not really on a 'schedule' about BM's, so you could sit there for hours, literally, waiting.
I'm sorry for this situation for you. Maybe it's time to increase CG hours, or even move mom to a place where she wouldn't be sitting in feces for hours on end, until someone showed up to clean her.
Just make a list of local residential care sites and do a walk-through or two. Trust me on this, it will make all the difference in the world to you if you need to make an unexpected quick decision.
As others have mentioned, time for advanced care. Very sorry, but there is no fixing this back into normality.
This involves loss of control of the sphincter of the anus and a loss of feeling. Often you will hear an elder or a patient experiencing this say "I thought I was just passing gas and didn't even know I had GONE until I smelled it". Your Mom can't control this.
I wish you all the best, but it is time for care decisions now.
Someone with a broken brain and that makes a mess and doesn't know what happened is no longer safe to be living by herself. She needs 24/7 care, and if you and your brother are not able to provide that for her, then it's time to be looking into memory care facilities in your area where she will receive the care she needs and be safe.
It's no longer safe for your mom to be living on her own and I hope and pray that you and your brother will realize that before something really bad happens.
Cleaning a mess that could have been prevented is one reason. Making sure that she is getting the help that she needs in the bathroom, making sure that she has a proper lunch, and is safe doing so.
Not to mention the stimulation that she gets from having someone there rather than watching TV all day.
She may not leave her house today or tomorrow but what happens the one time she does and the last time someone was there was on Friday morning and your brother shows up on Saturday at 9am? Where and how far could she go in 24 hours?
Being with people her own age that she can relate to might be an advantage to her well being.
My mother fought my brother and I for 10 years not wanting to go into AL, she sat alone and watched game shows all day. She finally had a slight stroke became afraid to stay alone at night, we swooped her up, brought her near us and into AL.
She loves it, made new friends, has activities, her life of loneliness is over, no more game shows, she is too busy. She will be 98 next month, she has been in AL for 3 years now.
If this family thinks mom is okay as is, it is going to take a crisis to change that.
Dementia progresses inexorably and what worked last week is no longer enough today.