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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Honest answer: probably not a lot. I understand your mom's feelings, although I try hard not to share mine with others. I'd rather not be remembered as a Debbie Downer! Still, it's hard to have lived long enough to lose basic physical and mental abilities we once took for granted. Bette Davis was right but, humans being humans, most won't recognize the truth of her iconic remark about old age until they are old themselves. It didn't actually start hitting home with me until 6 years ago when I turned 80.
Just read your profile. Wow! You’re 70 and caring for your mom who lives in independent living. Your mom has a lot of health issues.
I was going to ask if your mom had depression but I see from your profile that she does.
Perhaps the negative talk stems from her depression. She feels worthless, which is sad. Has she taken any meds to treat her depression? I would discuss it with her doctor.
Is this behavior out of character for her or has she ever said that she was stupid to gain attention?
Does her health stop her from socializing with others? Is going to the doctor her only outing? Is she able to do any other activities? Did she socialize before or was she an introvert?
At 88 years old do you think assisted living might be more appropriate for her?
Long answer…my Father liked to keep he in her place by talking down to her. After he passed, with my help, her self esteem improved tremendously. Now since all the recent accumulation of heart/lung issues, she is feeling dejected. Her Dr is aware, already has her on anti anxiety meds. She has so many meds as it is. They contribute to her issues with vertigo. I have suggested counseling, but Mom is reluctant.
My mother used those exact words when she was fishing for compliments or attention. It was an extreme over reaction to a simple matter used to irritate me. I used to ignore the behavior, personally.
If no Dementia, Mom may be aware she no longer can do what she used to do. Its part of aging and there is some cognitive decline. Tell her, you know what she means. At 70 with your health problems u probably can't do what u did 10 yrs ago. If she can understand what she says tell her she is neither of those things. Age and health problems are why she cannot do like she used to.
Does she really believe these things or is she just trying to get attention? I can see where they would be annoying but at her advanced age, you are not going to change her. I would not give much attention to this negative talk and I would not respond to it. Just move the conversation on to something else.
Much of this is habitual and repetitive habit only. Best to kind of fly past it if you have asked for details and had basically none. Next time she says this smile at her and tell her "Well, you sure do them right enough for ME, and I love you for it". Turn it into positive. If she says it again later say "I think you do things about as good as it gets" and give a giggle. Just play with it. Make her smile. Worth a try.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I was going to ask if your mom had depression but I see from your profile that she does.
Perhaps the negative talk stems from her depression. She feels worthless, which is sad. Has she taken any meds to treat her depression? I would discuss it with her doctor.
Is this behavior out of character for her or has she ever said that she was stupid to gain attention?
Does her health stop her from socializing with others? Is going to the doctor her only outing? Is she able to do any other activities? Did she socialize before or was she an introvert?
At 88 years old do you think assisted living might be more appropriate for her?
Worth a try.