11 weeks ago, My 90 year old gramps who has lived with me for the last 6 years had a major event (heart attack or stroke) but didn’t want to go to the hospital so for three days he stayed in bed and we seriously didn’t think he would make it BUT he did. He has not been the same since but he is alive. Then the last 1.5 weeks, he has gone way down hill. He finally decided to go to the ER and they said his heart is very bad and then the decision was made to set up hospice in our home. He is the most amazing man and we are dreading the day he dies. I am so worried that I won’t be strong enough to handle it when it does because I know I will be with him when it happens. I watch his breathing, twitching, skin color changes, lack of food/liquid, every little thing and I think “is this it”. He wants to go and I am trying so hard to let him know it’s ok to go but I am so sad inside. He spends his days out in the living room with us (alseep 90% of the day) so we get to interact with him and spend time with him. I just wonder how you all do it? How do you work past the anticipatory grief? I finally am at the point where I don’t bring him food/liquids, I leave it up to him to tell us that he wants something (so hard when a day goes by and he ate/drank nothing). I am trying to hard to live in the moment but it’s so hard. Thanks in advance!
I was with my grandmother the last 12 hours of her life. It was not peaceful at all. She constantly cried out, reaching out to grasp at nothing in the air, thrashing and flailing hour after hour despite my constant talking to try and calm her. Finally I said "Gram, we all love you so much, and you have been such a big part of our lives. But if it's time for you to go, it's all right. We will all miss you, but we understand. It's ok for you to leave us now."
She immediately relaxed and calmed down and lay still. I pulled the covers up and tucked her arms in. She was very peaceful and breathed her last breath an hour later. Sometimes they need permission to go.
My Dad has entered the same stage your beloved Granpa is in. Hospice is involved and very supportive to my Mom and me. As heartbreaking as it is to watch I am finding it a rich experience and an honor to be there through his final transitions.
Your Granpa knows, on some level, that you are there with him. Whether going thru daily tasks, or sitting down holding his hand, he knows. You are doing everything right, and with great love.
Best of luck to you.
Tell grandpa how very much you love him and how very much you will miss him but that you will be okay because you know that he will always be watching over you.
I am sorry that you are losing your grandpa. May God grant you grieving mercies and strength during this difficult time.
He won't live more than a few days without any liquid.
Hopefully he'll just go to sleep and nit wake up.
Spending time with him is tge best you can do.
I took care of my sister the ladt 3 months of her life and I never regretted having this time with her.
She told other's that tokd me later, that she felt safe and loved.
Prayers, I know how sad this is.
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