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Raysot: You are not a horrible person. Your mother has cancer and that has to be difficult for you. Prayers sent.
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OMG. What a relief to read that someone is having the same thoughts i had when i was my mother's caregiver. She had cancer that went to her brain which caused falls, confusion, etc. I was the main caregiver with school-aged children then. You are NOT a horrible person. You are going through an overwhelming experience and need a support system. Do you have children or siblings that can help? Home healthealth aide? This emotional incongruity is probably a lot more widespread than you think.
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Yes most definitely! My mother in law suffers with dementia. She Iives with my husband and I. She is declining every day. She can be mean and abusive to us and yes we get blamed for taking things from her which we haven’t taken anything. It is unbearable some days. We are trying to get her in a facility but the one place we can find that her Medicare pays has her on a waiting list. We are currently trying to get her on Medicaid. We have a hospice nurse and doctor seeing her but she is not in the right category to be eligible for it. If she is placed on hospice they can hep us get Medicaid and into a facility. It is just a waiting game right now for us. She really needs professional assistance. We are doing what we feel is right but it is an emotional roller coaster! I hate my husband has to see his mother like this. It has done a number on our mental and physical well being as well. I just want her in a facility. We don’t want her gone and just leave her for someone else to deal with her, we just feel she needs help from people who are trained in this type of disease. She has had emotional outbursts where we had to call 911 and hoped the hospital would send her somewhere but they always send her home. We feel awful feeling this way but it gets very tiring for us. I work outside the home as a preschool teacher and then I have to come straight home and help my husband with her. He is home with her because he is on disability himself. We do send her to adult daycare during the week for a few hours to get her out to be with others but some days she is worse when she gets home. I hate seeing her like this and I hate what it has done to us.
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Sounds parr for the course for dementia. Textbook even. Better get some advice and educate yourself about the subject and you’ll understand your mom better.
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Of course you're not a horrible person.

I'm a little bit in your wife's shoes, though my m-i-l isn't that bad yet. My husband says "She was never like this before," and I have to try hard to bite my tongue because, in my view, she was always like this. He just didn't see it, blinded (and fortunately so) by their loving mother-son relationship. But now the micro-aggressions are becoming more visible. There's no point in me saying "I told you so." It's hard to see him go through this realization, but it's an unavoidable part of life. You have a rough road ahead of you, but it will get better. Remember to always put your marriage first—you're going to need each other. Good luck.
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My mother no longer seems to be my mother either. She is very very negative and rarely has a nice thing to say about anyone. She has made a hobby of twisting everything anyone says to her into something to be offended about. She has accused me of stealing, of being on drugs, of sneaking out with men (I’m 46 years old). She is manipulative and when she she is really mad at me she will purposely eat very little so her blood sugar drops.

She is only 76 and fairly healthy. She has the beginnings of dementia and some arthritis and could be living an active life but she does nothing but watch tv all day.

She currently lives with me and sometimes I wish there would be a reason that she had to go into a nursing facility. You are not horrible and you are not alone in how you feel.
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