My Aunt is 75 is single and never had children. She has always loved me very much. The issue now is that she wants to move to her country and rent her apartment she has in the US. She told me over the phone “ I'm renting my apartment and will stay in my friends house for a month and then go stay at your house for a few months. So her plan is to stay at different people’s houses when she comes to the United States. I don’t have a problem if she comes to visit but I don’t want her to stay for months in my house. I live with my husband and 6 year old daughter and love my privacy very much. How do I tell her without ruining our relationship or hurting her feelings? She keeps saying that she is worried about her future because she doesn’t have any children to take care of her when she is older.
Tell your aunt just what you told us.
Say, you don’t wish to hurt her feelings, that you value her love and your relationship but you need your privacy so and are raising a child, so it won’t work out.
Ask if she would like you to help her look at independent living facilities if she is planning on staying a long time. Tell her that they also have assisted living in the same building, should she need it at a later date.
If she isn’t staying too long, she can do an extended stay hotel, or perhaps a six month lease apartment to lease.
Tell her that there are many options to choose from and stress the amenities that they offer.
I know that this is awkward and I am quite sure that her love is genuine for you but you have already decided that you would never take her in. So, the only thing left to do is tell her.
One last thing, how would you feel about blaming your husband and say that he isn’t keen on having guests in your home? Some people do that, they blame their spouse.
Maybe then, she wouldn’t take it personally, or she would feel that is isn’t coming from you.
I would be very hesitant to have her stay with you at all, given her situation and desire to become a permanent fixture in your young family's life.
Make it known now, in no uncertain terms, that YOU are not going to be her future caregiver and that she needs to make arrangements in a senior living residence with a continuum of care. It's very presumptuous of her to expect to move in with you for months on end, uninvited, and to be taken care of by you in her declining years!
Good luck!
Simply tell her that it is not possible for her to come for an extended stay. Full stop, no additional explanation needed.
You could tell her you are happy to look into long stay accommodations nearby, but you do not owe her or anyone an explanation as to why you do not want them to stay with you.