My boyfriend won't marry me til his Mother dies! Any advice?
I have been in a relationship with a 60 yr. old man for well over a year. I thought for sure he was going to propose at Christmas but it never happened. I was so hurt and disappointed that I decided to ask him what his plan for our future was. He told me that he can't even begin to think about marriage until his 89 yr. old mom dies. He loves me but he just can't make any changes while she is alive. She is a very healthy woman and I like her a lot and she likes me too. This information really shocked me. I told him I can't accept that and he said thats an ultimatum. Why is it an ultimatum when I am only saying how I feel. Why isn't the fact he won't make a real committment until shes gone and ultimatum to me? I told him I will grow to resent her and that it isn't fair. He seems to think she will only be around a short time but that is a gruesome way to think. I told him I am willing to has her live with us and help care for her but he said he won't be pushed into marriage. I am so hurt and confused. I am 55 and want to start to build a life with someone. I feel like I wasted a year. I should have asked sooner. He put me on his life insurance and seems to really love me................Should I move on??? I kinda think he already has a partner.
It's hard to be our age and in search of THE happy ending. It seems like we're competing with younger gals with smoother faces and not so many "war wounds" like stretchmarks and crows' feet. But real men in our age category don't all fall at the feet of younger women, but appreciate us for the beauty we radiate...and beautiful includes wrinkles and a little extra padding here and there.
If Prince Charming here doesn't want to commit to marriage and marriage is important to you - step back. Consider the successes you've achieved in the relationship, then look at the mistakes that were made - Give yourself credit for your successful conduct and make note of what mistakes to avoid next time: What red flags you ignored, what mistakes you made yourself, what qualities in a partner you wanted but overlooked because this one was so darned cute.... Then tell Prince Charming that you have different goals and you love him,,,but you're gonna have to step back into just being friends and seeing other people. You have every right to pursue the type of relationship you want.
This ain't him at the moment, Pam. Who knows? Could be him at a later date (when he is ready)...but for now,,,,take a break to find a peaceful & balanced finish in yourself regarding this particular relationship - and when you're ready, Mr. Right may just appear - the universe has a way of doing that.
Good luck and peace be with you.
This is very sad, and very harsh, but I think it is better to face reality and move on than to hold false hope.
You are not issuing ultimatums. You are making decisions about your own life, as you certainly should be.
Move on.
I'll say what I said to the original post: Move on. Waiting for someone to die is no way to live.
You're in your fifties. For more than a year, you've been developing a relationship with a man who has important, though not directly competing, commitments.
Have you been having a nice time? Do you like him, his company, being in this relationship as it is?
If so, what's wrong with continuing it? What are you expecting marriage to bring to it that it hasn't already got?
If not, why are you bothering anyway?
I despair at the thought that by our *fifties*, for heaven's sake, we're still looking hopefully for security from someone else. You are the mistress of your fate. You decide whether this man is someone you want to keep in your life, or not. But decide that on the basis of what he is now, not what you hope he may become in some hypothetical future scenario.
I suppose I must just not be the marrying kind.
You wasted a year. But, you are wiser now too
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