My dad still lives in his own house. My sister that lives not to far from him goes to check on him everyday. We have asked him if he wants to go into a nursing home and he says he doesn't want to. My other sister wants to put him into a nursing home but she isn't really that close to him. He has made some questionable decisions recently. I live about four hours away. I have asked my other sister about in home care help but she says it is better if he goes into a nursing home. I don't know what to do?
Depending on funding, he either qualifies for the self-pay of AL or for Medicaid for a NH.
Just pls, do not rescue him from advancing age and dementia by bringing him into your home or moving in with him.
Make sure the paperwork (POA, etc) is in order and with questions regarding your sib, try to keep her out of it (shared DPOA rarely works well). Contact his attorney and report that it's time or close to it, seek advice. You can consult with the local aging services.
Best to you and and yours in all of this.
The one person that is carrying the load gets to decide when they need/want/have to set it down, period!
If your sister that checks on him and helps him is willing to continue, well, let her. Help her find additional help that gets paid for by dad to ensure his safety.
You can't just put someone in a nursing home. They must require skilled nursing care to qualify for a bed. So you all may be arguing over a non-issue.
Call the local to dad, counsel on aging and get him a needs assessment. This will tell you all what a professional believes he needs to be safe and taken care of.
There are options between home and nursing home, do the research and present the options. As for dad agreeing, well, have you ever heard a child that is asked if they want a spanking say yes? Never gonna hear a senior asked if they want to go to a NH say yes either.
Which one of you holds his DPOAs? That is the one that has ALL the power when dad can't make his own decisions.
Could your Dad budget for Memory Care? Memory Care is part of Assisted Living in a senior facility. Usually each resident has their own studio type apartment [or as my Dad would call it his college dorm room], and there is a monthly rent charge. The Staff in Memory Care are quite familiar with all the different types of quirks that come with Alzheimer's/Dementia. Dad was quite happy being around people of his own age group :)
My Mom was placed in a Skilled Nursing Home after she had a bad fall, which accelerated her very mild Dementia into late stage Dementia. She needed a village to help her as she forgot how to do so many different things and she was bedridden.