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kbrown - boy, do I hear you. The frustration of it all. I don’t know about you, but nothing wears me out and tests my level of patience like having to clean up a bathrooming mishap.
Rainman was final fully potty trained and wearing regular underwear at age 12. But it sure didn’t last long. Right before he turned 13 he had an accident at school that nearly killed him - twice. Two emergency surgeries and a total of six weeks in the hospital later - Rainman had forgotten/unlearned all his new bathroom skills and we were back to square one. Now at age 26, we’re probably at about 90% but I keep him in Depends cause there’s no predictability to when and where an accident will occur.
My only suggestion is to start again with Trip Training. If you’re not familiar with it - give it a google- most Autism websites have articles about how to do it. It’s the only routine that has even had the slightest success with my guy. And - if nothing else, your daughter will be going on a schedule and that alone should reduce the number of accidents.
I never - ever - say this, but God bless you. Or what ever power of the universe that you put your faith in. It’s tough, tough, tough - what we do. Parents who keep their severely disabled adult-children at home. We, ourselves are getting older and the challenges with our babies don’t get any easier - do they? But loving them the way we do doesn’t leave us any choice.
kbrown1912...this is more common than many realize. (your daughters diagnosis of early onset) It is possible that she is forgetting how to use the toilet and to care for herself in a hygienic manner. I will say to what I would say to anyone in this position...you need to take a more proactive role in her toileting. If you have a "regular" toilet getting a taller one (ADA height) with an elongated bowl might make it easier. Try getting her to the bathroom every 2 hours. If you have to set a timer to remind her and yourself. If she is using underwear switch it out to a pull up type incontinence brief. Replace all the underwear in her drawer with the disposable ones. There are some that are pretty if that matters to her. Good luck you have a long road ahead of you.
Can I ask the nature of the disability and what is her typical functioning level?
I ask as I’m a coming off a particularly bad ten day run.
My son is 26 but due to severe Autism functions at a 2-3 yr old level.
Rainman is “trip trained” for the most part but still has regular accidents. Usually, wetting accidents or accidents you can tell were from some tummy trouble - that he likely couldn’t help.
However - just this last two weeks he had three poo “accidents” in ten days. Two occurred about five minutes after I had taken him to the bathroom and had him sit for several minutes. That tends to really annoy me - understatement.
When this happens - I have learned over the years that he is expressing some anger or frustration. My job then becomes - figuring out what’s upset him. Rainman is completely nonverbal but has figured out other ways to express himself. I believe it’s a case - in this situation- that he’s controlling what little he is able to control in his life.
As it turned out- all three of Rainmans “companions” wanted schedule changes or days off these last two weeks. I believe he was upset at not being able to rely on his usual schedule and he never knew who would coming to take him out from one day to the next.
So - for me - lesson learned.
Could it be anything like this with your daughter?
She has developmental handicap. Tourettes. And now early onset dementia. I would say functioning between 3 and 5. This just started 6 months ago. She was trained at age 3 and is now 39. So frustrating and what a mess.
Awww, poor baby. I know this happens but I later in life. My nephew has a neurological problem that eventually his memory will go.
I would say yes, she probably forgets how to use the toilet. I had Mom hollar for me when she felt she had to go. If I wasn't there she would make a mess.
You're probably correct, she has likely forgotten or become confused by body signals toilet logistics etc. What exactly are the accidents. Depending on what she's doing or not doing the advice will be different.
Hi, Have u spoke to her doctor? He might want to check for infection. It may be memory issues or incontinence or maybe not getting buttons, zippers undone in time.? Just trying to help
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Rainman was final fully potty trained and wearing regular underwear at age 12. But it sure didn’t last long. Right before he turned 13 he had an accident at school that nearly killed him - twice. Two emergency surgeries and a total of six weeks in the hospital later - Rainman had forgotten/unlearned all his new bathroom skills and we were back to square one. Now at age 26, we’re probably at about 90% but I keep him in Depends cause there’s no predictability to when and where an accident will occur.
My only suggestion is to start again with Trip Training. If you’re not familiar with it - give it a google- most Autism websites have articles about how to do it. It’s the only routine that has even had the slightest success with my guy. And - if nothing else, your daughter will be going on a schedule and that alone should reduce the number of accidents.
I never - ever - say this, but God bless you. Or what ever power of the universe that you put your faith in. It’s tough, tough, tough - what we do. Parents who keep their severely disabled adult-children at home. We, ourselves are getting older and the challenges with our babies don’t get any easier - do they? But loving them the way we do doesn’t leave us any choice.
It is possible that she is forgetting how to use the toilet and to care for herself in a hygienic manner. I will say to what I would say to anyone in this position...you need to take a more proactive role in her toileting.
If you have a "regular" toilet getting a taller one (ADA height) with an elongated bowl might make it easier.
Try getting her to the bathroom every 2 hours. If you have to set a timer to remind her and yourself.
If she is using underwear switch it out to a pull up type incontinence brief. Replace all the underwear in her drawer with the disposable ones. There are some that are pretty if that matters to her.
Good luck you have a long road ahead of you.
I ask as I’m a coming off a particularly bad ten day run.
My son is 26 but due to severe Autism functions at a 2-3 yr old level.
Rainman is “trip trained” for the
most part but still has regular accidents. Usually, wetting accidents or accidents you can tell were from some tummy trouble - that he likely couldn’t help.
However - just this last two weeks he had three poo “accidents” in ten days. Two occurred about five minutes after I had taken him to the bathroom and had him sit for several minutes. That tends to really annoy me - understatement.
When this happens - I have learned over the years that he is expressing some anger or frustration. My job then becomes - figuring out what’s upset him. Rainman is completely nonverbal but has figured out other ways to express himself. I believe it’s a case - in this situation- that he’s controlling what little he is able to control in his life.
As it turned out- all three of Rainmans “companions” wanted schedule changes or days off these last two weeks. I believe he was upset at not being able to rely on his usual schedule and he never knew who would coming to take him out from one day to the next.
So - for me - lesson learned.
Could it be anything like this with your daughter?
I would say yes, she probably forgets how to use the toilet. I had Mom hollar for me when she felt she had to go. If I wasn't there she would make a mess.
Have u spoke to her doctor? He might want to check for infection. It may be memory issues or incontinence or maybe not getting buttons, zippers undone in time.? Just trying to help