Whenever my dad needs me to do anything he gets very upset and nasty with me if I don’t answer him or do it right. I moved here to Tennessee so I can take care of him. An example of this is if I’m doing my crafts and I have to finish a section so I don’t get confused, he gets nasty or if I’m helping my husband and I’m really at my wits end.
Concerned and caring daughter,
Tracy
Perhaps you never learned to let an adult know in a respectful way how he should treat you. That's a people skill, and you can learn it. On the other hand, the change in you will probably create more problems with your dad because his people skills may begin and end with being upset and nasty when others don't do what he wants.
Seriously consider moving back where you came from. Dad may need memory care soon, and if I were you, I wouldn't be the one to provide it. Your first priority should be you and your husband, not dad.
I'm sorry you are in this situation and hope things work out well for all of you.
That means you do not need to indulge his every whim or endure his nasty behavior.
You're an adult now, and he's the one who now depends on you, so you get to set the ground rules and your boundaries for what you'll put up with.
Are you living in his home? Is this a temporary arrangement or a permanent one?
Tell us more information. Otherwise, others will be assuming things that may not be accurate.
Wishing you and your family well.
Dad needs a wake up call and you need to give him one.
Look him him in the eye & state;
"I am your daughter.
I am not your servant."
When my Mother wants something done she wants it done NOW!!
I believe due to 1. Her anxiety & 2. Her memory. (Quick! Get *something* done while it is in her mind).
I have to prepared for this & assess each request: actual need, a want or a whim.
Did you and your husband move in with your Dad? Was this something Dad asked you to do, or wanted you to do?
Sometimes an elder thinks it sounds great to have the kids move in. But the inclination is still to think of things as "My house; my rules". The same in fact would be the case had your Dad chosen to move TO you in another state. You would quite naturally feel that your home should have your rules and your Dad should follow those rules.
Living together as a threesome may not work out for you. You will have to see. It's very difficult to live with others, whether they are a sibling, a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend or a roommate. It always requires adjustment.
If you and Dad did communicate really well in the past but are not just at present then I would say this is a time of adjustment. Keep communicating with one another as you adjust.
Wishing you luck. Hope you'll update us as you go.
What are his health issues ? Does he have dementia ?