My elderly parents have been with us for 3 months. They need to go home to FL but now that the virus is bad there should they stay with us? I thought by them going to their own place and looking at the water would be less depressing then looking at brick buildings in Virginia. They have a supermarket right across the street. I know that they would be happier and more secure being with us but I need a break myself being that they’ve been here 3 months and I need to clear my head because and I am in remission from breast cancer only 8 months and I still haven’t mentally and physically recovered. They don’t bother me here but I just need peace and quiet without seeing anyone or listening to the news 24/7 or having to eat together etc. or just even helping my Dad with my Mom. I don’t rest. My husband said that if something happens to them in FL you are going to feel guilty. Am I being selfish and should I offer my house to them for another 3 months?
Yes, you would feel 'guilty' if something happened to your parents in Florida. Likewise, you would feel 'guilty' if something happened to them while they were visiting you in Virginia!
Nothing is guaranteed in life. Safety at your house is no more guaranteed for your parents than danger is for them in Florida, or safety THERE. We are all going to be exposed to this virus eventually, let's face it. And we will either have no symptoms, very mild symptoms, or severe symptoms. We can't live our lives in a vacuum until this all passes, because in reality, that could take 18 months or more. And, in the meantime, you may not be able to get your folks back home if the hotels are ordered to close. Now is your chance.
Good luck and I hope you can get the R&R you need and deserve. Watching the news all day and entertaining others sounds like a nightmare to me.
Glad your daughter made it home safely.
Are you still working at the memory care facility? Stay safe, Lealonnie 💗.
The risk is real.
your parents should not be going anywhere at this point.
I am currently taking care of my 99 year old dad, under home hospice care.
I am the care 24 hours per day, 7 days per week.
He has a home care aide come in an hour per day to bathe him.
God bless them.
I am in a senior apartment, basically one small room, small kitchen, small bedroom with hospital bed for him at night.
I sleep or don’t on the smallest recliner possible lol.
I understand your stress.
I really do. It is real, your thoughts, emotions are real. Your stress is probably sky high. Bless you for taking care of them.
This is not the time to move them anywhere.
Is there room to put a tv where they can watch what they want, then you could?
Honestly they are feeling the same stress, compounded by the stress of the world none of us can control.
I f your husband is with you, go out for a short ride.
Do you have a chair you can place outside for you to get fresh air, even if you have to bundle up.
can you and your husband take a short walk.
Honestly sometimes I go sit in my car out front of his apartment, or just take a short ride around a few blocks.
It does help.
There will be days you feel you can not make it one more day. It is normal.
I think the most important is to get outside to sit awhile, a small ride, a ride with your husband through a takeout joint, to have dinner alone with your hubby. Park somewhere pretty, a park maybe, stay in your car, enjoy the scenery, eat your dinner, roll down the windows and just breathe.
I try to do this once a day. It does help.
Keep them with you.
Take time for you outside daily.
Bless you and your husband. You are the heroes in this.❤️
Congratulations that you are in remission! Wow! That must have been a harrowing experience: the fear, the treatments, and now the waiting with fingers crossed. I consider that you have been through a battle with a lot of physical, mental, and emotional stress. Like any warrior who has been through a season of intense fighting, you want - and need - some down time. I have a feeling you crave some peace and quiet, some space without the "burden of others" so you can adjust to just being you.
Your parents have been with you for a loooong visit, 3 months. I imagine they came to be near their daughter whom they feared they might have lost. They have been through the emotional and adjustment upheavals too. Now the "virus" is wreaking havoc with everybody's life. Your parents are now the ones at risk of dying: older, health problems, probably more fragile immune systems. Sure, they could "stay in place" in their home in Florida but managing it without family support would be a lot more difficult. Getting to Florida would also present its own challenges: how to get there without exposure to virus, restocking shelves that are empty (toilet paper?!), and negotiating all the "stay in place" rules while caretaking. In many ways, being with your family is their best chance for survival.
The problem is how to give you and your parents the "environment" each needs. You crave - need - alone time. They desperately want time with you. May I suggest that you create "zones:" some that are yours and your hubby's only, ones that are your parents only, and ones that are community spaces. Decide together what schedules, tasks, and needs each person has while living in this situation. You should NOT be the one to do all the household tasks, all the socializing tasks, and all the caregiving tasks. You need to stress to the others that you need "downtime" daily for _____ hours since you are still recovering from your cancer battle. Use your downtime to rediscover whatever recharges your physical, mental, emotional, ans spiritual batteries.... brings you joy! You will probably find that once you are re-charged you can handle the extended time with family a little better... and maybe enjoy having them there.
I will tell you frankly, if there is support there for them, then send them home; someone to shop and deliver for them.
If there is not, keep them there. I would not make the decision for THREE months. Take this a month at a time. We will know in about another month just how bad this will be bad AND WHERE.
Tough for all of us now, but I tend to agree with your hubby. Make it VERY CLEAR you cannot do it all, and ask your hubby in what ways he can help you keep them there is necessary.
She lives up north where it snows and we live south where it’s warm.
We waited until most of winter was over. She really is happier there and my husband and I can get back to being married empty nesters. It was a strain on us. We did our part and she feels confident now to get her meals and groceries. She has elderly friends to talk to. Because of the virus no one is out and about either.
It’s good to be in your own nest and surroundings during this virus.
You have my blessing to go on with your life. Your immune system is fragile and recovering mentally from what you’ve been through is sometimes tougher than recovering from cancer treatment.
There are many articles and studies done on the health of women care givers and it’s not good.
Your husband and your health should take priority over others so that you are able to help out when there is a true emergency situation with them when no other options are available.
Bless you, I wish you well.
This shouldn't be just about you. Were all in this together. Your parents kept you safe and healthy and it is now time to return it to them. Could you hire some help if need be or do you just not want them in your home?
odds are you know the answer to that too. Take care stressful times are upon all of us. Family matters and no place is better than home
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