My elderly parents have been with us for 3 months. They need to go home to FL but now that the virus is bad there should they stay with us? I thought by them going to their own place and looking at the water would be less depressing then looking at brick buildings in Virginia. They have a supermarket right across the street. I know that they would be happier and more secure being with us but I need a break myself being that they’ve been here 3 months and I need to clear my head because and I am in remission from breast cancer only 8 months and I still haven’t mentally and physically recovered. They don’t bother me here but I just need peace and quiet without seeing anyone or listening to the news 24/7 or having to eat together etc. or just even helping my Dad with my Mom. I don’t rest. My husband said that if something happens to them in FL you are going to feel guilty. Am I being selfish and should I offer my house to them for another 3 months?
Believe me I understand how you feel. Even though they are ur parents they are guests. And ur not comfortable to go off to ur room to be alone. When Mom lived with us, my husband asked why I didn't bring her up to my den to be with me. First, all I have up here is a loveseat. Second, all she could do was watch TV. I don't watch daytime TV and it drives me nuts when its on. So, she spent time in her part of the house and ate with us and then watched evening TV with us.
Seems Bridger had no problems in her trip. But then ur immune system is compromised. Don't think u should make the trip. Such a hard decision.
I took hand sanitizer and Lysol spray and wipes with me. We wiped down all hard surfaces in hotel room. Most restaurants were open for take out. Breakfast we ate at hotel breakfast bars. They were sanitizing tables and chairs after each use. At noon we did drive thru. We took our Lysol spray into rest area restrooms, along with wipes. At dinner we called in a take order to Outback, and other similar restaurants. The trip went well for both of us. My aunt is happy to be visiting her daughter and grandchildren. I’m happy that I took her so that she could visit. Her husband died two months ago and she is very lonely. Driving made for much better arrangements than sitting in a crowded airplane, surrounded by people.
Did you have options at the breakfast bar? Was it a buffet or individual servings? Any adaptations due to the virus?
Curious about these things. I try hope everyone did as much as possible to reduce the spread in hotels and restaurants during your trip.
I don’t think I would have the courage to go on a road trip right now. You’re right an airplane sounds like a nightmare, a cruise too.
I certainly understand everyone is going a bit stir crazy. Will be glad when this crisis starts to wind down and we see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Confirmed cases are growing here in Louisiana, almost 1800 now and 63 deaths.
Have a family meeting and find ways to make the time together more enjoyable. You are able to tell them what you need to get better and suggest other ways they can help. Set up a guideline and a goal. Work toward that. I really think you should go to Florida and leave them in VA. Have a vacation and heal by the water.
I will tell you frankly, if there is support there for them, then send them home; someone to shop and deliver for them.
If there is not, keep them there. I would not make the decision for THREE months. Take this a month at a time. We will know in about another month just how bad this will be bad AND WHERE.
Tough for all of us now, but I tend to agree with your hubby. Make it VERY CLEAR you cannot do it all, and ask your hubby in what ways he can help you keep them there is necessary.
Discuss this with your husband. Discuss this with your parents at an appropriate time. I also sought out a therapist to help sort out my feelings. It definitely helps having an objective professional perspective.
Even if everyone has a healthy relationship, too much togetherness can cause friction. We all know this. Parents often still feel they are authority figures. They can only learn to behave differently by your cues. We do teach others what is acceptable for us.
You have expressed your feelings on being responsible for your parents very clearly and honestly. I have complete faith that you are capable of expressing your feelings to them. Sure, it may initially feel awkward but please do not commit to something that you don’t feel is right for you.
You have had your own personal challenges. You need time for physical and emotional healing. Right? Do not feel guilty about wanting your independence.
I can tell you that if I could do things over I would not make the choice that I did. I had different circumstances. I was dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
We all make decisions that we feel are best at the time. I grew to really regret the decision I made as mom became harder to care for.
Keep us posted and vent anytime. Many of us have been been in your shoes, struggling with decisions regarding our parents.
I sincerely wish all the best for you and your family. Take care 💗.
One side thing. I don't know if Tamoxifen is still used or not, but when I was on it I had trouble containing my urine. I thought it was my age + pregnancies. It wasn't until I got off of it that I realized it was the medicine.
The problem may arise if you have to spend the night along the way, many if not all the hotels, motels and the like are shut.
Also you will not get a break when stopping for food as it will all be eating in your car.
And it is not like you can get them a hotel room where you are as, again most if not all are shut down. So until they leave you will not be able to "get away"
Your husband is probably correct if something happens to them in Florida you might feel guilty in asking them to go. On the flip side if something happens to them staying with you you will probably still feel guilty.
Guilt is a funny thing it is an emotion or feeling that we put on ourselves. We make ourselves feel guilty by our reaction someone else can not make you feel guilty.
Do what is best for you and your family your parents will understand.
(jokingly...have them stay in Virginia and you go to Florida!)
There will be risks in driving them back to FLA. Will you have to stop someplace overnight? How will you sanitize that place? What food options will be available? Will the rest stop be open?
You aren't being selfish -- this is just a bad situation for everyone and the timing for you is very unfortunate. Is there any space in your home that you can declare "off limits" to everyone but you so you can get some quite time?
Do they want to go home? Have you asked them?
What if something happened to them in Virginia - wouldn't you feel guilty? What if something happens to you? Wouldn't everyone else feel guilty? Your DH needs to be quiet if he is not going to be helpful.