My father has dementia and some of his responsibilities were taken away. Anything I can say to help the situation?

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My father has dementia and some of his responsibilities were taken away. Anything I can say to help the situation?

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My father has dementia and is getting more confused so some of his responsibilities were taken away at his place of worship, which I understand it had to be done. I just feel so bad for him. He’s taking it pretty hard. I know he’s in denial about his dementia so he might not see his memory getting worse or understand why this happened to him. Anything I can say to him to ease the pain?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Anosognosia Cognitive Decline

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My dad didn't have dementia, but he willingly gave up his church responsibilities because he decided younger people needed to step up and learn the jobs in order to take over as people retired. I think that was a bit of an excuse to cover for the tasks just being a bit too much for him, but he was also right -- everyone should step up and take their turn handling the responsibilities, because a church is a community and it shouldn't have people who are all givers and others who are all takers.

Perhaps you could frame it in that way for your dad.

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That was a sweet response! Your father knew and so did you but he turned it into a positive although it must've made him feel bad. Awesome advice, God bless him!

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I should focus on the remaining responsibilities, and support him to carry them out perfectly.

Then try a rousing chorus of "Teach me, my God and King" to remind him that even the smallest contribution to worship is of value in God's eyes.

How was it handled by the congregation's officials? I hope they were sensitive to his feelings?

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If you can help him find what different things he can still help with, that's as much as can be done. My church is very small and we don't hire any services, all are tended by members. It may be much different in his church.
- Greeting
- Cleaning
- Organizing
- Gardening, groundskeeping
- Support the staff of different ministries (making snacks for kids, help build/create props for plays, decorating for the holidays, writing Thank You notes, etc)
- Kitchen help (food prep, clearing tables)

Every little bit of help he provides is so appreciated by others. My mom is not a member or our church, and doesn't even call herself a Christian but over the years she has graciously sewn costumes for the kid's plays, helped me put up decorations, pulled weeds in the garden and helped me prep and deliver food to the sick. She is now 91 and still helps with some of those things and she feels great doing it. Your dad could maybe be a Senior Ambassador if your church has a congregational care ministry but he may not like being "reminded" of what is coming his way. Visiting and bringing food and little gifts to shut-ins or NH residents is a precious contribution. I wish you all the best in helping him through this change.

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Eecclesiastes 3:6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

Remind him of GODS words and that there is a season for all things, this is the season for him to lose and cast away. Help him mourn the loss of what he obviously loved and encourage him to seek what he should be doing now. Sometimes we are not open to new things because we are wrapped up in what we have always done. The Lord knows what HE is doing, tell dad that he is in HIS keeping and to keep his eyes open for what is next, it is surely going to be a blessing whatever it is.

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What was taken away if I may ask?

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Talk with his church's pastor and/or staff. If he has a heart willing to serve, he should be allowed to serve. We had a gentleman that was wheelchair bound and suffered some cognitive decline after strokes. He was a permanent greeter with his wife at the evening services.

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If he's only just now having responsibilities taken away he's probably still in pretty good shape neurologically. You might want to suggest that he make the most of his current memory and help you with the information you'll need to take care of him and your mother, i.e., setting up trusts and a DPOA, showing you where he keeps financial records, and the kind of information you often don't miss until it's gone, like who those people standing next to your grandparents in that photo are... Take advantage of the good days, and remenber the stories. I've been going through stacks of photos, identifying my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, and no one else. My father labeled and dated some photos; my mother never did.

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My mother lives in a Memory Care ALF. Out of 24 residents, she is the only one there who is perfectly fine; doesn't have dementia or even memory problems. It's the OTHERS who are 'stupid morons' and other assorted choice words. I bought her an Alzheimer's clock for her room which blazes out the day, date, time and whether it's day or night in HUGE bright letters and numbers and STILL she doesn't know what day it is.

When I worked in a Memory Care ALF before the plague hit, we had a resident who was allowed to come into the lobby to torture the receptionists every day. She, too, was 'perfectly fine' and was living there for NO GOOD REASON, dontcha know? No matter that she'd repeat herself literally 100x in 10 minutes. The OTHERS were all stupid idiots, morons, and about 1000 other horrible names she'd attach to the residents, same as my mother does.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Your father is not likely to accept his limitations. He should be able to go to his place of worship and still be an active member of the church without having responsibilities he's no longer capable of carrying out. You are not going to be able to convince him that what happened SHOULD have happened, or that it proper to have his responsibilities taken away, so all you can do is AGREE with him and commiserate over the unfortunate event. Perhaps he can hand out prayer books or greet people at the door, I don't know.

What makes the whole mess even MORE difficult to deal with is denial, in my opinion. It just takes things to a whole new level of frustration for all involved, so you have my condolences.

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What kind of responsibilities did he have? Was it something you could assist him with? My mom does greeting cards for an elderly group. I help with managing the names/addresses and give her the cards to put labels, stamps, and return addresses on. She is still able to participate with her 'job' even though she can't attend meetings and worship any longer.

If you can't help him, find out who took over his tasks and ask if he could participate with the process. Even if they toss out the work he did, he would still feel active in the duties.

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Great ideas!

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Martz06: Depending on what his past responsibilities at church were, perhaps he can continue in another capacity, e.g. church greeting, handing out church bulletins, etc. Certainly the elders at the church would be able to understand and be compassionate.

My father has dementia and some of his responsibilities were taken away. Anything I can say to help the situation?

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