My Dad is 82 years old. He can not walk and for the the past few months, he dosen't even have enough energy to help stand himself up to get in a wheel chair.
He has a home health care aide, every day. Also my mother is a licensed medical assistant, she is still mobile and able to care for him as well. I check on him and visit with him almost every day of the week.
But lately, he has just changed in demeanor... He looks at me with concern in his eyes, he holds my hand and talks to me like he is never going to see me again. He has always told me how proud he is of me, but now he squeezes my hand and acts like he can't tell me enough before I leave. He makes comments like "If I'm here that long."
He is beginning to throw up his food...
He has COPD, he is always wheezing (wet sounds), worse after a breathing treatment.
It breaks my heart to see him this way.
He has had multiple hospital stays over the past 6-7 years... but last year we almost lost him. He had a severe infection... It hit him and the situation immediately escalated. The doctors could not believe that it attacked him so harshly so quickly. He almost died. He would hallucinate, go in to a deep sleep, he didn't know where he was... He told us that he talked to his Father (deceased for many years) and he told him that he would be ok.
But the Good Lord, let me keep him thus far. He knows that I need him.
During that Hospital stay, my mother and I were told that my father has sun downers as well.. So now we have been facing that too. I have noticed it getting worse at times.
I know he is tired... Something seems different... I cry just looking in to his eyes.. they look glossy and exhausted. This man worked till he was crippled and forced to retire, so he could raise me and take care of me. I love my daddy so much. I can't handle conversing on the death topic with him, and my mother is in denial. He sleeps all day and all she can say is "He didn't get enough sleep last night."
But his home health care aide is telling me "He constantly naps all day now."
Anyone have an opinion or information...
My heart is breaking, and I just need to know if his demeanor being this way is a sign, that my daddy could be slipping from me.
I am trying to come to terms with what is coming... It is hard, but I want the best for my dad. Whatever brings him peace.
And your mom would get a lot of extra help and support as well as the supplies and equipment she needs to care for your dad.
You are a very lucky young lady. You have had a wonderful example of how parents should be. And you will pass that on to your child/children.
Now for the difficult question. Have you talked to your dad about your feelings and his feelings? Have you asked him why he is holding on to your hand longer. why he makes the comment.. "if I'm here that long",. Let him talk about what he is feeling.
Yes it is going to bring tears to both of you. But the conversation is important.
I think he needs to know that you and your mom are going to be alright. That you will take care of each other. And there might be things that he wants to plan .
And you will loose him.
It will hurt, a lot. But not forever. The hurt will change. It will go from a deep wound to a scar and that takes time.
He has actually done better talking to my mother about his plans.
But I will take your advice and see if he will open up to me about the comments he has been making. And see if he wants to talk about how he is feeling...
They are finishing up his will and final arrangements. I know my mother told me that he has been strict on getting that taken care of.
I am very emotional when it comes to my parents.... I just don't want to break down and scare him in any way... I dont want to make him nervous, with me sobbing.
Thank you so much for your response!!
God Bless You!
I'm doing everything I can to show my dad, that I'm going to be ok. I have an amazing husband and we take care of each other. My daddy has done an amazing job at raising me, loving me unconditionally and always being there... and I know he will always be with me.
Its just hard to think that the world will continue to go on, without him. I can't see my world continue to spin. But I know it will.
Thank you for your support and response.
I love my Daddy so very much. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around seeing my dad, who has been so strong while growing up, Now he is just... Withering away... He told me he is comfortable and happy with the care he receives... My mother and I are discussing hospice care, for extra support. My mother is beginning to tire herself. She is 73, but still very active and mobile. But I can tell she is beginning to slow down as well...
Thank you again for the support.
You have been very blessed to have the relationship with your dad that you do. That is something that you will have to cherish until you see him in that day.
One thing that helps me is knowing that my dad will have no more suffering or pain. He will be young again and rooting me on as I finish my journey. May you find a similar peace knowing that this is just a short separation, not goodbye.
Great big warm hug!
Our deep faith in Jesus and our eternal home, knowing he will be in victory... Will be what keeps me strong. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.
God Bless you.
Its very hard to keep composure when he is making these requests, because I am going to miss him so much. But I will make sure everything he asks for, gets Honored.
Thank you again,
God Bless
Your words brought tears to my eyes and is heartbreaking and I know it is for you. It is very apparent how much you love your dad and how much he loves you. Most people don't like talking about death - in some ways I think it's because it makes it more "real" or as if talking about it will somehow make it happen.
He seems to know that his time is short and in his own way is conveying that to you by the way he looks at you, talks to you, by squeezing your hand and telling you how proud he is of you. I know how hard it is to see him this way. My father went very quickly after we found out he had Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer in 2004 - so quickly that even the hospice Case Manager was shocked and came on her day off when the nurse told her he would probably pass away that day which he did later that evening. He was the first parent I lost so I know exactly how distressing and surreal this is for you.
All I can say is to spend as much time with him as you can, be sure you've said all you want to say to him and as hard as it is try to reassure him that you and your mom will take care of one another.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. May God provide you strength and comfort during this time. I send you a hug!
I appreciate your support.
My Daddy is my hero, without him... Only God knows where I would have ended up in the system.
I hold him close to me, everytime I see him... I can't imagine going back to the home I was raised in, and not seeing him in his recliner.
Welcoming me home.
But someday, when its my time to go... I know I'll see him, standing again at the gates... Welcoming me home.
You have truly blessed me with your response.
Thank you! 🙏
May God Bless You!
My goal is to have the best care for my daddy. I want him comfortable and relaxed. He does seem like he is " taking it easy"
Just was wondering how everything is going for you and your family. If you have any updates you'd like to share, I hope you will.
May God continue to be with all of you -
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
Sending you a hug!
I did make an update post.
Still struggling, but even through our storm... God is Good.