Hi,
I'm a long way from the first to face this but just thought I'd ask.
My father is 89, gets along OK, but he's basically blind. He could use some help, especially with cleaning the house he lives in. This is obviously harder given Covid but the real issue is his refusal to accept help.
I had an aunt who paid him a visit and she commented on the state of the house. I haven't been in there for several months, because I'm more exposed than he is, and I want him to be very aware that this is serious, but I can imagine. I've literally seen garbage piled around the garbage can because he can't see the can, misses it, and has no idea it's there.
He's incredibly resistant to help, even though he'll call me up ridden with anxiety over his ability to live alone. Thing is, accepting help is how we keep him living the way he wants to live.
But anytime I talk of help he'll say things like "another kick in the gut" or deflect about how he can fix things on his own, things that haven't been fixed in over a year. I'm not the best person to help him fix things, my only skill at fixing things around a house is that I'm a guy (don't hurt me, it's sarcasm).
Anyways, he's clearly scared, has blown it up to a big issue, but as near as I can tell will never, ever, accept someone helping him.
Any ideas on a way around that?
Thanks!
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time getting your father to accept help. You aren't the first to experience this as it's common with the elderly. They don't want to admit they "need" it. It would mean accepting the fact that they can no longer be as independent as they used to be or would like to continue being.
With him being "basically blind" this could be a dangerous situation for him. Don't ask him permission as they will always say "no, I don't need/don't want help." You would just have to in a calm, matter-of-fact way say I have "so and so" coming to do x,y,z.
You would probably need to hire on a permanent basis someone to do housecleaning weekly. Also, make a list of things that require "fixing" and try to get a handyman to take care of those things especially if you don't feel you have the ability to do it yourself. Obviously, the main problem with both of these is the pandemic. Otherwise, you could talk to a social worker at your local "Area of Aging Agency" and see what they would suggest and how to go about it. Good luck!
If so could you maybe approach it this way...
There is a student that needs "Service Hours" to complete a course.
Would he allow the student to put in 4 hours a week helping around the house? You can make it any number of hours you want and 1 day a week or more if you think he would go for it.
Make up some paper that dad has to sign showing that the "student" was there for X number of hours.