I came here to help both my parents during their time of need, only to find out my mother is a darker force then I knew. She is extremely manipulative and abusive to the point that she is now even refusing to eat, despite my preparing her meals and having a constantly stocked fridge. She has also pretended to fall out of bed to elicit pity. I fear that she may report me to APS fraudulently for elder abuse.
Does anyone have any advice of who to contact about this?
Personally, I would go back to where I came from and let her figure this out on her own, she is a loose cannon and at this point anything can happen.
I would not trust her, nor would I put up with her abuse, so at this time the only answer is to leave. Don't give up your life, your well-being for her, abuse of any kind is not acceptable.
Your mother has regressed, for whatever reason, be it grief, dementia or narcissism, to the mentality and behavior of a three-year-old. She’s faking injuries and illness for attention. She’s refusing to eat. What’s next? Threatening to hold her breath until she turns blue? She’s already said she’s going “to tell on” you by calling APS. Understand that the people who work for APS aren’t stupid. They know abuse and neglect when they see it, and when they don’t. The next time she threatens to report you, turn it back on her. Tell her she is going to have to beat you to the punch because you will report her for her abuse. Then explain to her that if this doesn’t stop, you are done. She will ha e to find another caregiver because you are going back to living your own life.
- is your mom local to you?
- does anyone have durable PoA for your mom?
- has she ever been diagnosed with cognitive decline or dementia?
- would she allow you to accompany her to a doctor's appointment?
If you don't have PoA for her and she won't grant it, and you don't want to be her guardian, then call social services and keep reporting her as a vulnerable adult. They can pursue guardianship over her and get her the care she needs. Your situation is sad and difficult...I wish you peace in your heart however it resolves.
Yeah it is a mixture of things mental illness and dementia both run in her family. Where as the UTI is worth investigating grief is sadly not part of it. They married when I was 3 yrs old 53 years ago, so you would think so. She has never cried and was actually putting on lipstick when the nurse called to say he died. You know she would actually pretend to sleep and refuse to interact with my father even when he was in the hospital. Having said all of this I have no idea if I will feel guilty at all about her. Part of me wants to turn my back on her because she broke my father heart. But part feels obligated because she raised me