We've been married over 35 years. I had been taking him to his apts., etc. but working full time as well. He was constantly diagnosed negative for Dementia. So they moved him out and one of his nieces is a caregiver. She took over his social security, inheritance, and they have totally cut me out. Now they say he is scared of me which doesn't make sense at all. He never expressed that to me, ever. Only that he was afraid he might hurt me. The last time I saw him all he did was say he still loved me but they needed to find out what was wrong with him. He repeats what they say. They have now taken his DL away and become his conservator. I'm not sure what to believe. Could it be possible he is scared of me for some reason due to the FTL Dementia? I know it's a rarer form of dementia and harder to diagnose. I need advice I guess. Should I learn more about it and keep trying or learn how to move on with my life? I've been asked not to speak to him because it will be a setback for him.
Can you please return to answer some questions posted here, and to let us know if you have retained counsel of an attorney in this matter.
We would so appreciate more information and an update.
This story gets more and more odd.
No one can "get" a divorce for someone. People sue for divorce one spouse against the other, or they agree on a divorce.
You are legally married? Then you are next of kin unless your husband actually appointed someone ELSE as his POA/guardian. YOU would be his guardian almost automatically before the courts in almost any state in the union EVEN in the event he has children from a first marriage.
Someone swooping into your home and secreting your husband out of the home would be a kidnapping, especially if he is helpless and under your legal care by documentation.
I am not understanding this at all, and can only guess there is much missing in this story, and again recommend to you an attorney who DOES know this entire story.
They will investigate. You need to tell them that your husband has been taken by the family and you suspect ELDER ABUSE AND FRAUD.
Ask them to investigate. Give them any proof of history of dementia.
If their finding is that your husband is competent to make this decision then he is competent enough for you to sue him for divorce, get division of assets, and make a new life. See an attorney the day you know he is considered competent under the law to make his own decisions.
Pretty simple. He either is competent and prefers to be with family and give them his money; you just need to protect YOUR HALF of the assets.
If he is incompetent the APS can assist you in getting temporary guardianship, removal and placement, but make no mistake, this could be a legal fight. Be sure you care enough to protect him and want his entire care, financial and otherwise on you. And be sure you want to/are capable of being his guardian. It is a LEGAL financial fiduciary duty which makes you responsible for every penny in and every penny out. You become a file drawer.
I hope you have already protected whatever funds you can yourself move. If that isn't done then DO IT TODAY.
You will soon enough need an attorney. The question is whether elder law or divorce.
But I am assuming there is another side to the story because what you have written here is truly bizarre.
And if you live in a community property state, then they can't remove a spouse as a beneficiary without your written permission.
I don't understand your question, "Should I learn more about it and keep trying or learn how to move on with my life? I've been asked not to speak to him because it will be a setback for him." You're married to the man for 35 years. Are you okay never seeing or speaking to him again because his family says it'll be a setback for him? They've plowed their way into your home and removed your husband from it! If you're fine with that, then move on with your life. If you're not fine with all of this, call an Elder Care attorney about YOUR RIGHTS AS HIS WIFE.
Me? I'd have already learned everything possible about FTD and have thrown a huge fit about what my husband's family did. But I'm a fighter and an advocate for those I love.
Good luck to you.
Are you married to him? Who has the DPOA?