My LO just passed this morning. Asking for advice/input on what I should be doing or planning now.
Hello forum friends,
My 100-yr old Auntie passed away peacefully in her sleep this morning at the rehab facility. I'm praising my Lord because He answered some very specific prayers:
That she not endure a long, drawn out dying, being hooked up to machines or having to take all sorts of medications.
That she would die peacefully in her sleep.
That she would go home to the Lord before having to go into a permanent facility, which was in process to happen this coming week.
Even after falling and breaking her hip before Christmas, and foregoing the surgery to repair it, she was only on Tylenol and only had pain if she tried to put weight on that leg and walk. Otherwise, she had no pain.
As requested (and as her PoA/Executor), I gave the rehab facility the name of the funeral home where she will be cremated. I know to ask for at least 5 copies of her death certificate. Other than this, I'm not sure what the process will be.
I'm in MN and she is in FL. Many of our family will be traveling from out of state for her Celebration of Life. Many have jobs and families.
Should I plan the event for a Friday or Saturday? Should I delay the event so that people have time to book flights, etc.? Two weeks or more? If we delay the funeral, is there a cost to store her body?
My Aunt Nancy spent all but 2 of her 100 years with her sister Anna (103, still living at their house). They even worked at the same company all their lives. So, their names are joint on everything... house, banking, investments, etc. She had a small life insurance policy from her company. Anna was her beneficiary on investments. She also owns a lot of EE bonds.
We were recently cashing out some of her investments, like CDs, getting ready to pay for rehab and facility care. Does this mean I have to file taxes for them?
Any suggestions regarding any of this is greatly appreciated.
Thank you, everyone!
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We (me, hubs and my 93-yr old Mom) went to FL for the Catholic mass funeral. I gave the eulogy (very cathartic), there was a nice brunch back at the "twin" sister's house afterwards which was a wonderful time with family, friends, and neighbors. I will plan another Celebration of Life down there in June for all the relatives who couldn't make it to the funeral. We will all cram into the 2 adjoining houses and eat, laugh, and play together at "our" beach for a week, just like old times. My other Aunt will be 104 by then! She will love all the company.
Thank you to everyone on this forum for your kind words and support!
You can delay the celebration with cremation. As far as storage, the funeral home can ship ashes to you. I kept ashes in my home for a few weeks., partly because the coroner took a month to complete the death certificate. I carried my mom's ashes on a plane and contracted with another funeral home at her final destination. In both instances, I did both phone and in person.
No Matter how we think we have prepared, a death is a sudden loss. I am rejoicing that her journey is over and she didn't suffer.
I couldn't pick my dad up for months and the funeral home didn't charge storage for his cremains. Doesn't hurt to ask though.
It almost seemed like they would both live forever! I am so glad that she wasn’t suffering.
Your aunts remind me so much of my husband’s great grandmother who lived to be just shy of 102!
Your timing of the service will be dependent on the church. Some won't do funerals on weekends, because those are reserved for weddings. I had a tough time getting my mom's service set in part because everyone in her peer group decided to die at the same time and booked it to the gills for weeks. Her church normally did funerals only on Fridays, but my folks were pillars of their church and they let us have a Saturday.
As far as the finances, if she was on joint bank accounts with her sister, those accounts now belong to her sister, and so do the house and everything else they held jointly. If she held anything separately, those will have to be taxed if they're cashed out, but not necessarily if they're transferred directly to a beneficiary. My parents' investments went straight to my account and that of my brother, so we'll pay taxes when we sell them, not just because we inherited them. The cost basis on them was adjusted to the date of my mom's death, so if they paid $10 a share when they bought a stock, and it was worth $50 when my mom died, we'd pay taxes on the value between $50 and the sale price. Get a tax professional to advise you on the tax situation, and make sure you have as many questions ready as possible, because they'll charge you every time you call with another question. The last question I asked the CPA doing my parents' trust's taxes cost me $950, and they gave me bad information! 😡 Needless to say, they're being replaced this year.
Trust me, you won't need 10 death certificates. I don't know what they cost in Florida, but here in California they're $21 apiece, and they sold me a dozen for my dad. I still have 11 of them four years later. I bought five for my mom, and I have four left. I'm about to close the estate, so I have a lot of useless documents.
Take your time -- there's no rush on any of this.
Thanking God with you that your prayers for your aunt were answered! What a lovely finale!
Such a long life. A long life & a short illness/event. Slip away before a nursing home. 🌻🕊️🦋
I'm sorry I have no knowledge on the financials. May the right experts be found & help you.
https://www.treasurydirect.gov/savings-bonds/manage-bonds/death-of-owner/
Not everyone will be happy with the time chosen but do the best you can in selecting a time frame that will work.
When kids are out of school or coinciding with a school holiday or spring break.
The day to be chosen is up to you but if people are going to turn the Celebration into a little vacation ask if people have plans before or after that might give you a time frame. Just know...You can't please all the people all the time. ....
She can be cremated right away, if you like. Afterward, you can have the urn stored at the funeral home or someone can pick it up and hold it at home until a service. There might be a slight charge for storing the urn on a shelf at the funeral home, but it won't be as much as storing a body under refrigeration.
You don't say where her ashes will be interred, but if it is at a cemetery, that can be done before the memorial service. The urn doesn't have to be present at the service.
If I were the one deciding, I'd want to get the cremains to their final resting place as soon as possible. Then I'd hold off the memorial service for at least a month so that people could make travel plans. Memorial service can be at a church, restaurant, hotel, park, a condo recreation hall, whatever, without the grim container of ashes sitting there. You can have a meal either catered or supplied by friends and family. At that point, you can concentrate on the happy gathering to remember her.
If you are planning to sprinkle the ashes, be aware that you may need a permit.
I wish you luck with all of it.
The double EE bonds. After 30 yrs they do not receive any interest. Ours went back to around the 80s. Face value $100 ea. I forget how many we cashed in but the interest alone was 60k. You know you buy at $50 but get $100 at maturity which was 18 yrs. For the next 12, they still received interest. We had to pay 10k that year to IRS. And thats only the ones that were over 30 yrs old. Our investment guy did a spreadsheet showing what each bond was worth. Our bank said they would have done it for us too. Our mistake was cashing in too many that year which took us over our annual income so we lost our Senior tax discount that year.
You might want to do a quick search on the Internet on settling an estate in Florida to give you an idea of what might be involved.
Timing is not the most important thing when planning a celebration of life. If some of your family members were especially close to your aunt, you might try to consider their schedules (like your own!). However, considering the age of your aunt's sister, I would hesitate delaying too long if it is important to her/you for her to be there.
I only got 3 when my husband died and I still have 2 left as most places are more than happy to just make a copy of it and hand you the original back.
Your aunt was blessed to have you look after her and her affairs and I'm so glad to hear that she went peacefully and that God answered your "specific" prayers. He's good like that isn't He?
I'm praying that He now gives you wisdom and discernment along with comfort and peace in the days, weeks and months ahead.
God bless you.
I would see an attorney in her area and turn a lot of this over to that person. You will be wanting to contact her Sister's POA. I am hoping that isn't you. There is so much to do, really, and I don't think I would worry about services at this time, given the difficulty of doing this long distance and only guessing at who would attend and the age of attendees who may be relieved to know there aren't services TO attend. I think I would do a quiet get together celebration of life when you are able in future to visit and would let anyone know that this will occur in future.
The taxes should be handed over to whomever has been doing her taxes. And she will now need a new EIN (tax number specifically for the estate) and her taxes will be filed as final taxes for an individual clearly marked as that at the top of the IRS form; there's a place for that. AND estate taxes after the estate is entirely distributed.
To tell the truth this is a lot to ask anyone to do. Being executor long distance is very very difficult. I did it for my bro and had already been his acting POA, so it was easier; I already knew his accountants and so on and already had all his banking info and etc.
I wish I could tell you more. Order the Trust and Estate for Dummies from Amazon. It helped me. A little book that helped me more was Please Don't Die but if you Do Die What Should I do Next. I think was by last name Gruber? A father and son attorney.
I just think this is a lot to ask you to do. It will be complicated by the remaining Sister.
My friend just died and I am seeing first hand the struggle of her friend named executor when my friend was surprised with a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer that took her fast. Her estate is a total mess with little left but bills and the friend is struggling even WITH an attorney.
Good luck. the only thing I can say is you are going to learn so much you are going to be even a better contributor HERE, and you are already stellar.
so yes , wait and make the arrangements with the funeral home/ cemetery for a burial date. Definitely a weekend or a Friday…
My mom died in May and I will be filing taxes because she turned in a small insurance policy to pay the memory care..Income.. be sure to get legal help with this, as you don’t want to be guessing…
wish you peace!
An Elder Law Attorney can walk you thought any questions you have. My parents Attorney was so very helpful.
I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that your responsibilities from here forward in dealing with the estate go smoothly.
If she's being cremated, that can happen immediately unless you want to be there. I'd recommend a Saturday service so people who work a regular M-F job can get there.
Not sure about taxes, but you'll have to show a death certificate at all the banks to allow Anna 100% access to the accounts (My MIL and FIL were joint bank account holders, and she had to do this recently). Same with the deeds to everything. Lots of paperwork ahead.
Again, my condolences.