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My MIL has Parkinson's and Vascular dementia. She is 83 yo. She does not seem to realize her pull-ups are soaking wet and she will insist that it's dry. I have to insist that she has to change her pull-ups and I have to show her proof of wet bed liners.


Does she truly not realize that her depends are soaking wet? Or is this more of the apathy that comes with PD?


We try to get her to change her depends often and it becomes an exhausting fighting match. She will only change when I show the bed-liners or the wet pants. Today after showing her the wet bed-liners, she still refused and I had to poke at her pull-ups to show that it was heavy and full.

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With dementia, they truly do not understand the basic facts of nearly ANYTHING. I tried telling my mother that even though her electric toothbrush wasn't running, it could still be used as a toothbrush. I told her about 10x and still, no comprehension whatsoever. She insisted I throw the toothbrush out because it no longer worked. Sigh.

Your MIL has no comprehension of a wet pull up, and no concern for the fact of the matter, either. Dementia kills off their sense of smell as well, so to her, there is no odor to bother her. Your best bet is to read all you can about the disease so you will be prepared for what you will be dealing with. Here is a link to an excellent chart of the 7 stages of dementia & what to expect during each:

https://www.dementiacarecentral.com/aboutdementia/facts/stages/

Grandma's idea of a toileting schedule is your best bet.

Wishing you all the best of luck dealing with the issues that these 2 diseases bring along with them :(
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Sushi94122 Feb 2020
Thanks for the confirmation. It's mind boggling because babies cry when their diapers are wet... I will checkout the link you shared.
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You need to set a bathroom routine.
Every 2 hours wet or not bring her to the bathroom and have her try to go. This will give you a chance to check the brief and change it if necessary and change clothes if needed.
This is a don't ask her if she has to go..this is part of her routine. Every 2 hours is bathroom time. You could make a snack as part of the routine, bathroom, wash hands, go to the table or a favorite chair and have a snack.
You can not convince her that she is wet and needs to be changed her mind can not comprehend it and it is not worth an argument.
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Agree with above. I was going to suggest tell her nicely instead of asking, be a bit more assertive like, time to change your pullup. Theraputic lies can come in handy. The doctor says you have to change it now (or every 3 hours). It's not wet? Oh, that's OK, we still need to change it. Here we go, lift your left foot, etc.

Oh the joys!
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Sushi94122 Feb 2020
Will try this. Thank you
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Is she capable of changing them on her own or does someone assist her? One of the things I learned early on with my mother, who also had vascular dementia, was never to ask her to do something. She always said NO! In the case of taking a shower, which she would refuse if I asked her if she wanted one, I would just say calmly, "come with me" and I'd lead her to the bathroom and get her in the shower. She would then do it without refusing. Can you just ask her to come with you and then lead her to bathroom without mentioning the wet pull-ups?
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Sushi94122 Feb 2020
She can change them herself but very very slowly. Probably would take 30 minutes. Plus she won't clean/wipe her thighs or legs.

I will try your shower trick for the pull-ups change and the shower. I tried today to get her to take a shower but failed miserably. She kept saying she was lazy and didn't care if she didn't smell good,
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