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Obviously one needs a degree but how can a person in Memory Care be lectured. Yes, she does take antidepressants. How can I get her help she needs when the person in charge isn’t helping.
Vlange.......my mother constantly gets me to overreact to her dramatic portrayals of how someone is treating her. It's the Boy Who Cried Wolf story though, so after awhile, you listen with half an ear to ALL of it. That can be dangerous too, which is why I'm a proponent of the Fact Checking Program. My mother is a huge liar too though, which makes for an even MORE difficult situation. She will never take the blame for something, which means she has to make up lies to support HER version of what happened. For example....she fell in the shower in her 2nd week in memory care. The charge nurse called me, as is customary, to let me know of the fall. I asked what happened.....my mother insisted the caregiver lay down towels on the floor when she stepped out of the shower, which she subsequently slipped on. I know For a fact the MC does not use towels on the floor For this very reason, and why I was instructed to purchase a bath mat to use. The nurse agreed the caregiver was in error by succumbing to mother's bullying. When I spoke to mother, she accused the nurse of being a "dirty liar" saying she NEVER asked for towels to be put down. With my mother's brand of BS, it's a lose-lose situation for ALL concerned. I hope you can figure it all out....good luck!
You MUST 'fact check' every single thing that comes out of your mother's mouth, especially if it causes you upset of any kind. Afterward, set up a care conference with the director & speak to her/him directly, voicing any concerns you have. I'll betcha dollars to donuts the ED was suggesting your mom engage in some of the activities offered in the community, which might contribute to her feeling more cheerful (or something like that). My mother is in Memory Care as well, and I can tell you that most of what she says has a tiny bit of truth in it, but it's at least 80% made up. Paranoia plays a role in their perception of what is being said to them, normally, plus they're waiting for someone to say something just a tiny bit 'off' and then it will be totally blown out of proportion and exaggerated to the nth degree. At least that's what I find with my mother and her 'stories'. She has always loved drama, and nowadays, with moderate dementia, simply THRIVES on it. Unfortunately.
If your mom is in a half-way decent Memory Care community, I find it highly unlikely the executive director is THAT clueless to be 'lecturing' any of the residents about anything, especially something medical such as depression. They are generally the most compassionate & empathetic people you'll ever meet........it's the residents who tend to distort what others are saying to them. Not always, but generally. You have to remember that dementia changes face CONTINUOUSLY....what was yesterday, may no longer be today. That's what keeps everyone off balance.......that constant change of behavior. It's what makes the disease SO particularly difficult to deal with.
Do you mean the Director was trying to get your mother to "buck up" out of her depression? And your mother didn't take these no doubt well-intentioned words well?
What your mother perceived as a "lecture" may have been no more than what other people would consider a sympathetic and cheerful pep talk. In a way it doesn't matter, because it's what your mother takes away from the conversation that counts; but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the Director is a tactless idiot who knows nothing about communicating with Memory Care residents. More probably the Director doesn't yet know enough about your mother.
So, all the more reason, you should feed this back. But do it nicely, and constructively, with the aim of improving communication between the people who are actually there.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I hope you can figure it all out....good luck!
If your mom is in a half-way decent Memory Care community, I find it highly unlikely the executive director is THAT clueless to be 'lecturing' any of the residents about anything, especially something medical such as depression. They are generally the most compassionate & empathetic people you'll ever meet........it's the residents who tend to distort what others are saying to them. Not always, but generally. You have to remember that dementia changes face CONTINUOUSLY....what was yesterday, may no longer be today. That's what keeps everyone off balance.......that constant change of behavior. It's what makes the disease SO particularly difficult to deal with.
Best of luck!
What your mother perceived as a "lecture" may have been no more than what other people would consider a sympathetic and cheerful pep talk. In a way it doesn't matter, because it's what your mother takes away from the conversation that counts; but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the Director is a tactless idiot who knows nothing about communicating with Memory Care residents. More probably the Director doesn't yet know enough about your mother.
So, all the more reason, you should feed this back. But do it nicely, and constructively, with the aim of improving communication between the people who are actually there.
i know I over reacted but yes that is what
they said. I will follow up.