with this all changing, i am considering to quit my job to care for her at home. I have been a Secretary for 37 years and I’m only 57. I wasn’t planning on quitting work, but now my life has changed completely. She has the money and even though she is in early stages of dementia, she is pretty good with understanding what is going on in her life. If I put her in a home, her entire monies will be gone in 4-5 years. So can i pay myself?i guess is the question, before i quit my job. I’m don’t know what to do.
That $350,000 includes not just salary, but the company cost for employee health insurance which is very expensive.... company 401k matching dollar or dollar.... stock options [if the company is on the Stock Exchange].... profit sharing.... paid vacation days off.... paid sick days off.... etc.
If you leave your job at 57, that would mean you would need to purchase health insurance until you become 65 when you can get Medicare. I remember when I was in independent contractor [self-employed] my health insurance was costing me $550/month with $5,000 deductible, and that was over a decade ago.
Since your Mom is in her early stages of dementia, it sounds like she would be ok staying at home. Or you could find an Elder Center where she can go during the day to be around people of her own generations. She could find some new BFF.
Has your Mom been diagnosed with dementia? If not, she could just have normal memory slowdown which doesn't require anyone to need around the clock care. I know my sig-other and I [both 76] are now slower when answering Jeopardy questions :)
Your Mom will not get better but increasingly worse and needy. You say your mom has been living with you one and one- half years, so you already have a good understanding of what I have said.
When Mom can no longer be alone for any period of time the need for caregivers, if you expect to have any life at all, will be extreme and enormously expensive, dwarfing the costs of ALF.
In my opinion your Mom having been taken into your home has painted you into a corner. It is very difficult to ask a senior to live and some simply refuse. By taking them in you have made them a tenant whether they pay rent or not, with all rights of a tenant. It is "their home".
If you do this you are throwing some of the best years of your life, those when you are retired and free to enjoy yourself after earning a good cushion for your own elder years by working hard, into the trasher.
You only have one life. My own daughter is 60 now and I am 80. I dread the thought she would ever give up any part of her well- earned retirement after working and raising her own family, on the altar of caring for me, and I have always made it clear that isn't an option.
I would encourage placement. When your mother's funds, which she has for her own elder years, is gone, it is time to consider what resources are/will be then available in terms of medicaid for the rest of her years.
It's a tough decision. One only you can make. Weigh all factors carefully, and I wish you the very best of luck.
How did it happen that your mother came to live with you and your bf?
In some places, POA can not also be paid by the grantor.
Mom becomes your employer. Taxes must be withheld and paid. Also Social Security and Medicare tax.
Mom will still be out of money at some point; you will be jobless and possibly physically damaged. Mom needs more than one shift of care.
Finally, what happens when mom's dementia advances and she she accuses you of stealing all her money?
Consider all of these scenarios; they appear here repeatedly.
Please know that each state has their own rules for their Medicaid program. In most states the "lookback" period on the financial portion of the application is 5 years. This means you need to be extremely careful and clear with the recordkeeping for your Mom's affairs.
If your Mom transitions into a care facility, her money goes to pay for this until she no longer can. Close to this time she can apply for Medicaid (or you will do this for her). My MIL is in an excellent facility on Medicaid. She is left $90 every month, which she basically doesn't necessarily need since she no longer has any bills to pay except the facility's. We put it into her Resident Trust for her to spend on bi-weekly hair and nail care.
Here is good info from this AC website:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-paid-for-being-a-caregiver-135476.htm