My mom just called me up another flight of stairs to rinse out a washrag and make it cold. I was extremely upset saying she could of waited the 20 minutes until I was done instead of saying I need this NOW. It's an emergency. Now she's so upset that I told her she's ridiculous and not thinking of me at all. I just want her to stop and think! I'm also not in the best of health and I feel like I'm not considered. How do I get her to understand?
I'm guessing that she's very focused on what she's doing, and an interruption creates discontinuity, so it needs to be quickly addressed so that she can continue. I'm guessing also that there aren't many things she's doing, so her task at the time assumes a higher level of importance.
This does not seem like a workable situation to me. Assisted Living sounds like a MUCH better solution for your mother AND for you. Try to keep in mind that your mother is not the only person who matters here. You matter too. Your health is important. Your state of mind is important. The quality of your life is important, not just hers.
Elders have the tendency NOT to consider our feelings, which is why Assisted Living is a better option for them. I would be out of my mind by now had I not placed my folks in AL back in 2014 and had to deal with my mother's thousands of issues. I'm not capable of it, or qualified to do it. Period.
Reconsider your decision before YOU wind up needing a psychiatrist and rehab to recover from the ordeal of caregiving!
Now if Mom is not well enough, mentally cognizant enough to understand this, then she will NOT understand it. And you may be looking at a decision about whether you can continue to give in home 24/7 care. She may require placement so that you can live your life. No one will judge you wanting, or no one worth his or her salt will. We all have limitations. I could never have done 24/7 care for someone, no matter how loved, in my life; I knew that going in and so I never tried.
Your being "extremely upset" will happen. Just apologize and say "I lost it Mom. Sorry. I just get so tired and overwhelmed. But we gotta talk about what is an emergency and what can wait a while". As I said. She either is well enough to understand, or you may need to begin to consider placement when Covid is over or vaccinations are done.
Don't waste time beating yourself up. Just try to have the conversation earlier, before you break.