My mother (age 96) lives in assisted living in another state. I call her daily and she frequently complains about being moved at night to other rooms in the facility. This is very disconcerting to her, and it has been impossible for me (or anyone else) to convince her that this is not really happening.
I do not try to convince her otherwise any more, since it doesn't work. My concerns center around her emotional well-being, and her relationship with the staff, which is deteriorating. I would not be surprised to get a call soon informing me that they are transferring her to the memory care unit. That may solve their problem, but I don't expect it to solve hers.
Has anyone else been through this with a parent and have any suggestions?
That really is all you can do. Best wishes.
When my mom tells me about an obvious hallucination “there was a young woman she didn’t know sitting in her room” I ask if she was afraid of her and when she says “no” (so far the only answer, thank goodness) I ask if she talked to her and suggest next time she try or I say “oh how nice you had company!” We laugh and most of the time eventually she figures out it probably didn’t really happen. If she gets concerned about knowing she is hallucinating I will often reassure her that she was probably napping and woke up in the middle of a dream. As long as long as these hallucinations aren’t scaring her I’m happy and even find hearing about them interesting. This happens more often when she isn’t hydrated enough, hasn’t had enough water. The other possibility I suppose is that in this time of COVID she has been moved once or twice so another patterned could be quarantined or some other need that helps them manage their patient load. Normally they would hopefully discuss this with you and even have you participate in the move but these aren’t normal times so perhaps there is a combination of fact and fantasy going on here.
Your mother seems like she's Sundowning, like Taarna said. Can you speak to her doctor about this and about what's happening to her at night with the confusion? He may be able to prescribe something to help her once he's made aware of the situation. Don't bother trying to convince your mom that she's not being moved..........trying to argue with someone who has dementia is impossible. It only frustrates them and makes them argue harder. Just change the subject and divert her attention elsewhere. If need be, acknowledge what she's saying and tell her you'll 'speak to the staff' about her concerns.
Like you said, if they move her to Memory Care, that won't solve her issue. Confusion tends to come and go with the elders, so what's happening now might resolve itself. Then again, it might not. Speak to the doctor, if you're able, and see what s/he has to say about possible medications.
My mother lives in Memory Care Assisted Living and has been in a terrible, foul mood now for the past 2 months. She's very confused in addition to being in a bad frame of mind, so the whole situation is a mess. Not being able to have visitors has really done a number on their psyche's, I think.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.
Thanks, though!
My father was in a hospital for TIA and they sedated him. He had stories to tell me about being used in an experiment. He said they would take him each night down to the basement where someone was playing a violin. Again, found out he was being given medications and had him stop. My father quickly returned to his highly cognitive functioning self. Ive found when places are understaffed or exhausted it is easier on the staff to medicate the elderly so they stay in bed or asleep.
To tell the OP that 'when places are understaffed or exhausted it is easier on the staff to medicate the elderly so they stay in bed or asleep' is a terrible thing to say to her, especially since it's WRONG and since she living OUT OF STATE!
It might help to have somethings for her to see and have In her room to help her identify her room.
Like the hallways at facilities all look the same, the doors repeat, non-denominational artwork, harsh lighting. For my mom I put up a wreath on her door to help her ID her room. Made a huge HUGE difference. If the place allows door decor or signage, put something on her door or room number to hers so she can recognize it easier. For her room, it is decorated with stuff she can readily ID as hers? Like my mom had this 1960’s lamp that was at her bedside since forever that moved from her home to IL and to 2 NH with her. I brought in curtains and comforter & a chair from her home to the NHs too. For her 2nd NH brought in her old chest of drawers too. All was fine with her roommate. In her room & bathroom, see if you can put up a high shelf with battery operated candles that are set on timers to be on for dusk to dawn.... so if she wakes up, she can look around and see her stuff and hopefully relax as she knows she’s in her room. Plus helps her find the bathroom. Also perhaps put up the usual wall decor of family photos, artwork, clock, mirror, that are in their old frames. New & shiny stuff confused my mom as she would think it wasn’t hers.
Medications can help. My mom was on Remeron, old school drug & for her pretty good for quite a long while to help quell agitation.
We also tried the wreath thing, and, low and behold, the other rooms had the same wreath on them!
There is a regrettable tendency when more than one member of staff is working with a resident for the staff to talk to each other and not to the resident. The more disabled a person is, with sensory and/or cognitive impairments, the more it becomes *essential* to prompt them verbally through the entire process.
In your mother's case, the process should wind up back in her room with verbal reassurances and visual orientation about where she now is. E.g. "here we are in your room, here is your bed, here is your family photo, here is your quilt."
It may be that she will still not recognise not only her room, but the facility itself as the place where she is at home; but I think she would express that differently when she talks to you. What do you think?
I don’t know what this would look like?? but you and the staff could try some way to go along with it.. ‘sometimes we change people’s room overnite so we can clean the rooms, and they can enjoy sleeping other places.’ If there is a social worker on staff at the facility, seek them out and put them to work. If there’s a visiting geriatric psych Dr for the facility (there usually is), request an evaluation. Best wishes, I know this is hard.
There is no social worker on staff, and no visiting geriatric psych.
Sure enough it was a really bad UTI. They got her on antibiotics to clear it up and although she continued to have delusions associated with the dementia, they weren't frightening or upsetting.
Have her checked for a UTI.
And good luck.