They do not both meet the requirement of failure to do two ADLs, which is required by their long term care insurance that they have paid into for many years. But, they are not showering or doing laundry. And her cooking is worrisome, with her memory loss. She is also mean to my Dad, yet jolly to those on the phone. How can we help them when she won't allow it?
I would have everyone back off, let them flounder and see what happens. Maybe the light bulb will go on.
Whatever you do, don't let them move in with you. That would be a very bad move.
I am in another state. My brother has poa and lives there. They will never be allowed to move in to his home.
When we noticed medication consistency lapsing, we bought Mom an Alexa and programmed reminders. You could do similar for meds, laundry day, put the trash out, pm safety check—-doors are locked, faucets and stove off. We kept Mom in her own home 700’ from us until it was no longer safe. She is thriving in AL. Best wishes as you journey.
Lots of people say that their loved ones have early stage dementia. Maybe that’s a way to deny what is really going on. I don’t know in this case, but it seems like more than early stage from what you describe.
sounds to me like they need live in home care or assisted living. Sounds as if Mom may need 24/7 supervision to be safe at home and it may be too much for Dad to handle.
Call your local Agency of Aging . They will send a social worker to assess their needs. Perhaps the social worker can talk Mom into allowing help in the house , or assisted living if that is needed.
Happiliy today, LO loves the 'ladies' (& the occassional man) that come. Trust was gained & they provide excellent company & assistance.
My LO is happy for others to do household chores, laundry & any other boring tasks.
However, if you have a housepround housewife who's identity is connected to keeping house herself - this is different.
Still need to build trust, but the worker will need to involve Mom, let her think she is in still charge of the task.. they can do *together* rather than the task bekng taken over. As trust grows, Mom can let go a little. 🤞
We had to install a keybox for EMS to gain access. (Another choice: agree to the keybox or lay on the floor forever).
The care staff also use the keybox now. (Another choice: let staff let themselves in or risk them leaving when not let in)
* Staying home as long as possible *
At some point, the line into *not* possible is in view. I see it not far ahead..
Interesting...
Stubborness.. Anger? Fear of change? Fear of losing control?
Sometimes people think: If I don't accept help = I am independant. This is faulty thinking.
If I am become hearing impaired, I can choose to get advise to see if hearing aides will help me. If so, I can wear them & (hopefully) hear better.
Refusing hearing aides will not mean I can still hear.
Being open to change takes bravery, strength & trust.
What would happen if your brother & wife stopped helping?
It’s gone surprisingly well. Not one rejection of a caregiver. Please do make sure you find on compatible to them.
If you live far away (didn’t check profile) perhaps a trip for the “friend introduction”. Just get them the car, who needs their approval. My mom is also mean to family and nice to everyone else. Your mom might enjoy it after a day or two. Good luck. Stay strong.
NHWM
We started out saying the caregivers were going to come and do a little housekeeping & laundry. Slowly the caregiver started assisting with bathing & meal help.
Once they felt comfortable and liked the caregiver they enjoyed a friendship & looked forward to them coming.
I guess we will have to get the In Home Health care order reinstated when she finally relents. She currently sees nothing wrong with their lifestyle. Thank you.