I speak calmly to her to remind her each time which is often as several minutes. That she is safe. She is home with her family that loves her. I tell her all the names of her family living in our home. She’s very distressed and confused. Calling out for her father. I am conscious of my tone that I speak to her in, I try lovingly to console her. I put a cool compress on her face her far head to keep her distracted as well as the fan. I have ocean waves playing softly so she is reminded of a more comforting time. Then it happens once again. She rally’s up enough strength to do it over. This has gone on all day today. I called her hospice nurse. Her medications have been increased . But it isn’t helping her. Any suggestions? I would greatly appreciate anything anyone could offer. Blessings 💙
When my father was dying of a brain tumor and became agitated, hospice was there to keep him relaxed and to stop him from feeling any angst at all. For that my mother & I will be forever grateful. End of life needs to be as easy as possible, so the transition is smooth and seamless.
Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace.
might be able to help her with that. Just a thought.
As a Christian, I would also suggest playing old hymns that she may know. Praying aloud with her may help her to redirect her focus. Playing recordings of people reading the Bible may also be comforting.
Praying for her and you.
I recall when my Husband was in late stages he always seemed cold. Is the fan making mom feel cold? Is the cool compress making her feel cold as well?
Personally I HATE fans blowing on me. In a store I will walk 3 aisles away to avoid the one with the fans.
Try changing the sound on the sound machine. I have one that will do the ocean waves but it does others as well. I like the one that has summer night sounds, crickets and frogs. Maybe she wants to hear a variety of sounds. (Personally I can't listen to the river one it makes me have to go potty ) I also like the one with the thunder storm although it scared my cat!
You are doing anything and everything to help her.
Other than asking about anti-anxiety medications but I am sure Hospice has considered that if she is not one one.
I am sorry that your mom is distressed. Such a difficult time.
All the best to you, and to everyone here.
It would be good to search for clues as to what is the cause of the anxiety. I'm not sure if you should ask her specific questions about her feelings, or whether she could respond to them. However, sometimes it works to ask her questions that require one or a few words of answer. I would begin by asking her if she is frightened by whatever you think the cause of the anxiety might be, perhaps:
1. Are you afraid of dying?
2. Are you in pain? Does something hurt?
3. Are you afraid of leaving x?
If there are specific activities she likes (music is a good suggestion above) you could embrace these activities. Alternatively, if she can still communicate with you or her husband, one of you could ask:
Would you like to . . . listen to music . . . have a nap ... have a drink ... eat something, etc.?
If she has stopped eating and drinking, she is not going to live very long. But this is not as painful a way of facing death as might appear. In fact, the medical advice is that the person feels very little pain.
You do have to look after yourself. Your father might, hopefully, do more than simply sit and cry. That in itself is going to cause anxiety, because if people with advanced dementia see how anxious those around them are, they will then become anxious. Even if she is anxious, but you and others respond with smiles (especially on entering the room) that can be quite helpful. If your father simply wishes to cry, I would try to keep him away from your mother, or perhaps set a firm rule: If you wish to see you wife, don't cry. Perhaps his anticipatory grief is quite appropriate for him, but it is certainly detrimental for your's mother's situation.
I hope these reflections are of some help.
With love and prayers
You have some good suggestions above, especially about making a DVD recording for her in which you respond to her anxiety, so that you or she can play it whenever is appropriate.
The idea that he is somewhere preparing for her might be comforting.
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