She is very combative & stubborn. I am thinking about the adult diapers but I'm not sure that she will keep them on!! She will probably switch back into her pretty panties. She is young, too young for this!! She's only 65 & was an avid runner. The doctors believe she had several mini strokes which has caused her to lose her thoughts. I love her with all my heart & I just want her to be happy & healthy & I don't want to put her in a home!! Her meds were increased about 6 months ago. Since then she doesn't interact with her FB acct. & she is much calmer but she has been spitting on the floor, dumping water on the floor (we were able to correct that), and now she is wetting her pants. Thank you in advance for all your help!! Any help would be much appreciated!!
No matter what age she is now, she's had TIAs/mini strokes and her brain no longer functions properly, period. It is what it is. I worked in a Memory Care AL where we had a husband & wife doctor team residing there, engineers, and brilliant people of all kinds. Young ones, too. Disease knows no age, which is why young children get diagnosed with cancer on a daily basis. Life isn't fair.
If you're okay cleaning up accidents, having her spitting on the floor, and watching her behaviors continue to worsen, then prepare yourself for what lies ahead by educating yourself on the subject of dementia by watching Teepa Snow videos and going to Alzheimers.org. I assure you the progression is an ugly, ugly thing to witness.
Wishing you the best of luck deciding how much YOU are willing to deal with at home, and when it's time to cry Uncle.
That would be the physical and behavioral symptoms of a UTI.
If a rapid decline started at the onset of increased meds, re-evaluate the meds.
You can get a second opinion at this time.
Try a neuropsychiatrist.
I would explain that it IS a deal breaker if indeed it IS a deal breaker.
You are the only one who can judge your limitations. Mine would have been met long ago and your dear MIL would be in care, with my frequent visits when able, presents, cards.
I long ago knew I would never be up to 24/7 care. I think that things are unlikely to get better. Again only you can decide.
You can explain that she needs to do this for her dignity. Nobody can tell that she is wearing these underwear but, they can absolutely see and smell that she has messed herself.
This is a deal breaker, no incontinent underwear equals going to a facility that can provide the care she needs and refuses at home, period, end of discussion, those are the only options on the table.
Stop thinking about what she used to be able to do, because that has little to do with how she is NOW. Unfortunately, the mother you knew before the strokes is no longer there.
Next? Stop viewing placement as “putting her in a home”. You’re not discarding her! Assisted living could be the best thing for her, and many on here have seen their loved ones thrive in them. Most people on here who had to place a parent didn’t ‘put them in a home’ and walk away so their parent could just die already. A good facility WANTS their residents as active as they are mentally and physically able and want families involved!
If you keep trying to do this alone, you’re actually doing a disservice to her. You’re keeping her from the care she desperately needs, so you don’t have to feel possible guilt or sadness on placing her anywhere. You will have to put your feelings aside for her safety and care. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.