Follow
Share

Every morning noon and night and the very frequent times throughout the night I hear this. I wondered if hypnotism might help her think she was at home. If that helped, I would also want her to remember I am her daughter, as I live with her, but I instead have become just a caregiver in her eyes and she wonders why her daughter never comes around.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Dear Daughter2020,
As sjplegacy mentioned it's your mom's dementia "talking" which is common especially since you've already stated that she's in the advanced stages. Even though she has lived in "her home" for 33 years, she no longer recognizes it as her home. Your mom is living her "new normal" and has for quite some time and things will never be as they were. Instead of wasting time and money on hypnosis, which will do absolutely nothing for a disease that only progresses with time, as hard as it may be to hear and do - I think you need to come to an acceptance of what is happening and will continue to happen to your mom. I think you're struggling with the fact that this is a cruel disease which has "robbed" your mom of who she was and it's "robbing" you of the role of daughter and has been replaced by the role of a caregiver. Once, you start accepting the reality, you may find yourself experiencing what is called "anticipatory grief" - it's not just something people experience in the days before their loved one passes away but, you can go through this type of grief for losing the mom who knew and recognized you throughout your whole life. I sense your frantic desperation to "fix" this but, it is not possible. This truly is "normal" and so many others are experiencing the same thing when their loved one no longer recognizes them. Maybe the next time your mom wonders (I'm assuming she's verbalizing) why her daughter never comes around, you can take a moment to compose yourself and take her hand and say gently "mom, she's here with you now and always will be... and she loves you very much". Don't let that kind of moment slip away! May you find some peace in your journey going forward.
I think you would benefit from talking to a counselor at the 24/7 "Alzheimer's Association" hotline - the number is 1-800-279-3900. Most of the time, a counselor is available when you call after the first person takes basic information regarding the situation. If one isn't available, they will return your call the same day.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Daughter2020, usually when a person who has memory problems are saying they want to "go home", they are referring to their childhood home, back when life was fun as a child.

I ran into that situation with my own Mom, who was 98 at the time. She wanted to "go home", then when she said she wanted to visit her parents that clued me in as to where she was with her dementia.

Time to use "therapeutic fibs". When my Mom wanted to go home to see her parents, I told Mom that her parents were visiting the old country. Mom accepted that. Then when Mom asked to visit one of her sisters, I had to quickly find a fib what would relate to that sister. Again, Mom accepted that.

Oh, if you ever run into a situation where your Mom doesn't want to follow your directions, buy some nurses tops and pants, I find that when wearing something "official", ones elder will be more accepting.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Wanting to go home often means shes seeking a feeling of comfort more than a place. A point in time when she was happy and safe, not confused and uncertain in general. Hypnotism is not going to fix the situation, unfortunately, nothing is. I suggest you buy your mother a baby doll which often brings a great deal of comfort to an Alz/dementia sufferer who wants to "go home". Research Alzheimer's baby dolls on Amazon to see what they look like, then go to Target and purchase something similar for 25% of the price. Be sure to get a blanket for swaddling purposes also. It may give your mom renewed purpose to be a mother again, as it does for many others in her situation.

As far as not recognizing you, show her some old photo albums and reminisce with her about your lives, both of you. She may like that.

Best of luck!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Sadly, the need to go "home" and her not recognizing you as her daughter are typical dementia symptoms. My wife often asked to go home while sitting on her own couch. There is no solution. I hope you have had the opportunity to have those heart to heart talks. You will always remember them.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter