My mother is 93 - lives alone- she likes it that way - does not want to live with anyone - She’s a bit unsteady on her feet but can take care of her basic needs - she has five children - 2 daughters live 5 to 6 Hours away- sons are within an hrs drive/ help comes in twice a day just to make sure she’s taking her meds, eating etc and we’re looking to increase the hours. My concern is that she has been increasingly paranoid about people taking things from her whether it’s pictures or clothing and she Sometimes thinks her children (me) went to school with her when she was a child - it’s momentary but nevertheless concerning. My mom has many specialists and of course when you bring it up the doctors They refer her to a neurologist but at this stage of her life putting in another doctor to say well this medicine may or may not help, is it something we should pursue?
We started with HH, added the aides, and other support. She’s very happy at home and it works for her.
She does take aricept and namenda or Namzeric (a combo drug of the two). It’s difficult to know how much or if it helps but I can say that her dementia has progressed very slowly. The neurologist (and every other doctor who has weighed in) suggested she stay living at home.
And yes, the UTI is always the first thing I suspect when she “acts out”. It’s not always a UTI but it has been. Don’t quiz your mom on whether or not she is having pain when urinating etc. and think that’s all you need to know. With the elderly symptoms are different. Just get her a test with a culture to make sure she receives the correct antibiotic if an infection is present.
Do any of her five children spend the night on occasion? You can learn a lot that way.
My aunt, as mentioned, has a daily aide, HH, a bathing aide, therapy, MOW, church visitors, regular family visitors, a couple that go over twice a week to prepare her food and set up her meds and I can still learn a great deal about what is going on with her when I stay over. It’s very easy for elders to “showtime” on the phone or with casual visits. Not so easy when you spend a little time. I also keep a daily calendar where the aides record her daily bp and pulse and do a check list for things like Thyroid pill on empty stomach, clothes changed, which bp med taken. She has to take an alternate one on days her pulse is low. I use this as a reminder for the aide and to track how she’s doing. The HH nurse weighs her weekly so I can see if she’s gaining or losing. Sometimes she appears not to be eating so much but if her weight is fairly steady I don’t worry. Someone who loves your mom needs to lay eyes on her on a regular basis. We also have cameras and a Medialert system.
I highly recommend the book “Being Mortal, Medicine and What Matters in the End” by Atul Gawande.
Also look up confabulation.
I probably would take your mom to a neurologist if she’s willing but I agree, get the UTI test first.
I'm hoping your mom has all her legal ducks in a row: a designated PoA for medical and financials at the very least. If no one is planning on being her full-time caregiver then someone needs to start researching facilities as this is time consuming to do. I wish there was an easier answer. Peace to you and your siblings as you journey down this path with her.