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She is to be cremated. I have already prepaid for a nitch for her on the advise of others . I realize that this prepayment avoids paying higher rates later on but I have difficulty coming to terms with making funeral and cremation arrangements as she could live for many years with good care. Does anyone have any experience with this?

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My mom's insurance person talked her into one of those "burial" plans. It was low cost, $40./mo., so she agreed. The problem was she paid for years and accrued very little value in the policy. I had her cash it out...she made a little more than her investment.
You also have to consider if the business will honor it's commitment or what if it changes hands? I am too fond of prepayment plans in general because there are too many variables.
However, if the business has been around a long time and has a good reputation, you may want to consider it. I suppose prices will only go up.
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...ooops...that should read, "NOT too fond of prepayment plans....."
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Since you know that eventually she will be cremated, investing in a niche sound like a good idea. This kind of answered the question for myself as I've just cashed out one of my mom and dad's life ins policys for medicaid purposes. Still wondering about the pre-paid burial/cremation process, these 2 policies weren't valued at very much, $1,700.00 and $700.00.
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I forgot to say that one of my Aunts is a widow with no children. Years ago, she made pre-burial arrangements, made my oldest cousin the POA. I think pre-arrangements are a good idea, less stress later on.
Continue checking this site, the care givers are so insightful and do some research on your on.
Best wishes to you.
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yes, I had pre-arrangements for my mother and have done the same for my father and my husband & myself. It is too emotional and exhausting to wait to figure it out at the time death arrives. I strongly say, prepare it in advance --you'll be amazed at how much additional items you will need to think about when the time comes. And if your funeral director is good, they help with everything when the time arrives and you can concentrate on your family and your grief. Linda in FLA.
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To add to my original question ----If I decide to do the prepaid route I have no idea what a fair price is----I hear that these funeral
arrangements (cremation etc) go all over the board and that there are some very unscrupulous businesses out there.....Does anyone have a ballpark range of prices that are common?
I don't want to spend all her money on her death. I'd rather use it for the assisted living to help her life (and mine) be easier
Thanks for the previous comments----
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I've been considering pre-arrangement for a while, I think it would be good to get it out of the way now, so much less to deal with when the time comes. Mom already owns a family plot so I would just have to arrange the cremation and small ceremony. I think I'll call the funeral home and get more info.
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I believe it would be best if you go ahead and make plans for the inevitable. It truly is and knowing her wishes ahead of time as well as making the arrangements when you are not in a state of pain and immediate grieving is almost always best. It may be an upsetting issue fraught with fear and worry and hope and sadness about issues of family and love and mortality but think how much harder it will be when it comes time when it is moments after her death and you are dealing with relatives and the state and nursing home and any number of things that come up when a loved one passes. It is best to do as much as you can before it happens and not leave it till literally...after the last minute when your are thrown into grieving and emotionally fragile....
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yes, make arragments, caregiver for mom and dad for 4 years, dad laid down and went to sleep, not expected, tho he was 94, he and mom had pre-arranged their burial, people won,t be burried, until payment is made. this was a blessing for the remaining family, insures me to take care of mine ,now, so my children won,t have to. hugs to you firstgirl
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I went down and prearranged my moms. I picked out everything and am making payments on it. I ask my sis and brother if they cared or wanted to help. They said go for it. It was a little wierd but glad it is over. When my dad died we all had to go pick everything out and we were sad and upset. I hated it . Now we don't have to do that for my mom. It is all taken care of and I just keep making payments after she is gone if I have not got it paid for yet. I think that will help alot. Good luck.
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I know this sounds morbid, but having just gone through a funeral, I would definately recommend pre-planning. Although we had some clues as to what was wanted, pre-planning (as well as pre-payment) would have helped. It is so hard to be hurting and then have to plan a service, pay for it, etc. I hope this helps - Heidi
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When my father-in-law died 23 years ago my mother-in-law prearranged her own funeral. She picked out her own casket and left us written instructions on the the hymms she wanted sung at her funeral mass as well as family photos she wanted displayed. She wrote down the information she wanted included in her obituary as well as her eulogy. She even set aside a photo of how she wanted her hair and make-up and instructions on what she clothes she wanted to be buried in. When she made these arrangements back in 1988 - our state did not allow pre-payment. But we will always be grateful for her planning. Instead of stressful decisions and disagreements over the arrangements all we had to do was call the funeral home and write a check.
One other thing - The purchase of an irrevocable pre-paid funeral is a permissible spend-down before applying for Medicaid and a good solution for families who find themselves in a position of potentially having no estate to pay funeral expenses.
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Having worked in long term care for almost 30 years and buried both my parents, I do recommend prearranging and paying for burial. It makes it much easier on the grieving family to have that one less item to deal with. If she should ever go to the nursing home and outlive her money and receive Medicaid, prearranged burials is one of the expenses that is allowed.
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Death is inevitable. Even when expected, when the time occurs many emotions are stirred. Preparing for an event that cannot be avoided seems like a good idea.
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I took my mom several years ago at the advice an attorney (money paid in advance for a funeral cannot be counted as assets when getting medicare). She was more lucid and mobile then. She picked out her casket, lining, even a dress that they offered, in a pretty blue, her favorite color!) The cost even includes flowers and limo service for the family! The amount was about $10,000. I am glad that is taken care of. We went for the max with the idea of if we did not use all the services, the balance would be reimbursed to her estate. My mother is 88 now and has lived with me and my family for 7 years. I've worked hard enough caring for her all these years so when she goes (and I am still alive!), I don't want to be stressed about the arrangements or how it will be paid for. Make plans for your parent!
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I have made arrangements 4 times so far and it is never easy. There is so much to do.. My best advice is to get all in order, birth,marriage, social security ,Talking to your confident in a church. Just so you are not looking for all these things when you just want to be at peace with your mother does pass away. Enjoy all your time with her now and not have to worry about all the paper work later when you just want to grieve for you mom and come to peace with her passing. Hope this helps.
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I understand your delima. My mother has several terminal health issues but she too could live several more years. Most funeral homes have a preplanning pamphlet that can mostly be filled out in advance. It has a place that lists necessary documents so the locations can be recorded or gotten together, any special wishes for the memorial service desired by the loved one. I spoke with a friend of mine who owns and operates a funeral home about prepaid funeral and property arrangements. He told me the purpose of doing that is to avoid inflationary costs. Since my mother likely only has a few years remaining and has sufficient life insurance to pay the final expenses, he advised to put my money to another use.
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I did it for my mom and when the time came I made ONE phone call and everything was done. They told me what to do and where to go. I didn't have to think. What a relief because I was so sad I would have done something stupid I'm sure.
lovbob
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Thanks to all of you for answering the question most children of elderly parents hate to face,me being the first to admit I think its cruel...but all these comments have changed my thinking.
Thank you again! Blessings
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My mother made her own arrangements two years before she got sick with cancer. She paid for everything except the flowers, head and foot stones. When the doctor told us he didn't think she would be with us much longer, my sister and I bought her head and foot stones. When she passed a few months latter, we were very thankful for our mother's foresight.
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Dear TreadingWater,
Yes I have! Cremation makes it easier. Have a game plan in your mind so when it happens you can be direct, unemotional and shrewd. My experience was that if I did preplanned I would save a great deal. I didn't. The reality was, when the time came, I didn't buy a package. We didn't embalm. We didn't rent a coffin. In the end, it was $3000.00 less than they quoted me on the prearranged, prepackaged deal. I alerted them (the Funeral Home) 2 years before, that they would be the ones and left their name on file with the nursing home. When Mother died, the home called them and she was picked up. The arrangements were made 3 days later at the Funeral Home. I did no frills, straight cremation and the Memorial would be at the church. I got the ashes one week later. In Texas it takes about 10 days for filing paperwork with the State and completion of the process. If you want ashes at the funeral, you will have to wait for a time. We didn't. It saved the cost of the Urn. It's nice you all have a place for the ashes but what difference doe it make if they are not to be on display. We did a wooden, carved box.
Anyway, my experience it that prearranged is more expensive.
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My brother-in-law took care of all of that prior to my MIL's death. It was so nice not to have to worry about all the details when she finally passed away in the nursing home. We could all just be together to support each other without worrying about burial details. I think it is a great idea, but do your research.
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YES YES YES pre planning and pre paying keeps the costs down and usually set to where you will even get refund so yes do all you can now make sure you have all services you want so all you have to do is call furnerl home and they will handle all and you dont have to d anything when time comes
of course they will try to seell you more when time comes but if you plan now you will have alll you want an need not leaveing them to try to seel you someing while working on your emotions
your friend truecolors
yes experenened 5 times in last 5 yrs
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I always recommend pre-paid. Go with a reputable funeral home that has been in business for generations. In most states, there is some kind of escrow account that the funeral homes must have for prepaid funerals. Rather than making monthly payments, a simple cremation can be purchased in advance as a lump-sum payment. Phone around to different funeral homes and see what they have to offer.

Hey, I have had a grave plot already in place since I was a child. My headstone has been laid there since I was in my 40s with my name and birthdate on it......the church will fill in my death date when I pass on. I plan to be cremated and have my remains interred in the family plot.

I don't see anything weird about this. We do advance planning for everything else.....weddings, graduations, births, baptisms......so why not death, which is the ONLY certainty in life?
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My mom may be getting a small inheiritance soon from her mother's death. If she does, we're going to use it to pre-pay her funeral expenses. She's on Medicaid and can't have more than $2000 in assets, except that a pre-paid funeral doesn't count toward her assets.
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NEVER pay a funeral home their outrageous prices for a casket. by law any funeral home must honor your chouce in buying a casket elsewhere. I don't agree with pre-paying for a funeral. The only thing that should be paid for in advance is a burial plot. If you have the funeral at the elder's church, there are no costs. The only thing you pay the funeral director is for preparation of the body and then transportation of the body to the church and then to the cemetery. These maggots prey on the emotionally hurting and will drain your bank account if you allow them to. What really urks me is they do it with such "compassion" in their voices.
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I am a firm believer in pre-paying for funeral expenses. My son and I made the arrangements, my mom's money has now run out, and I would not have the funds to pay when she does pass. I have no worries, though, when the time comes. It's a very stressful time anyway, so I encourage you to finalize now.
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My Sister purchased a prepaid funeral for my Mom and Dad. The payment was put into a sort of trust in case the funeral home went out of business. The way I understand this is that if you prepay for a funeral, it lowers the money you have that medicare would take away. I think it was a great idea. We are probably going to spend all of our money paying for the Assisted Living facility, so at least this way, we will have less stress and problems when God does call them.
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I understand the issue about the monetary side of the pre-arrangement, but what about the actual details of the funeral service? I think the hardest thing for me as I have arranged two funerals is picking out hymns, people to speak , etc. I know it might be lacking in tact to ask directly, but it might help you if you start listening and making notes when you hear something appropriate. It is so hard to think when we are numb. Best wishes!
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10 years ago my mom did this for my uncle who at the time was in a nursing home. He had the money so before his money ran out and he went on public aid my mom had to go before a judge and get approval for her to pre pay for his funeral arrangements. Had she not done this there would have been no money for a funeral as he had no life insurance policy. This all worked out very well. Also my MIL has taken care of all of her arrangements and I am trying to get my parents to take care of theirs. It really does take the burden off of you just knowing that this part of death has been taken care of so to speak. This is just my opinion, but i think it is a good thing to do.
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